I'm sure you've been wondering why it's so quiet here at ClickNewz, and whether I ever made it back from vacation - or not. 😛 LOL I did make it back, and I had a wonderful (completely unplugged) 6-day vacation.
I returned a week ago Monday, in good condition even, but things went downhill from there. In fact, I'm not entirely sure where the last 10 days went at all. On my end, it felt like the last week or so crawled by at a snails pace, and disappeared into thin air at the speed of light, all at the same time.
Blame the vacation, the dog days of summer, the idea of being unplugged for that long (given it was my first true unplugging -ever!). Or maybe it's just life... and the typical highs & lows for us manic entrepreneurs. Whatever the case, I took it a step further and iced that cake with pure insanity: I quit smoking.
Yes, I was a smoker. 2+ packs a day for more than 20 years.
I quit on June 28th at 4pm, less than 48 hours before I left on vacation. That may seem crazy, but it seemed like a really good idea to me. And it worked. I knew that getting out of my usual environment and routine would be a great help in kicking the habit, and it was. I've now been smoke-free for 18 straight days.
That looks real pretty on the screen there in black & white: "I've been smoke-free for 18 days". The truth is, it's been pure torture and has accounted for several complete meltdowns. They come and go, with mini-meltdowns and long phases of BLAH in between. I can't sleep, I can hardly eat, and I feel like I'm in some kind of time warp. The other morning it took me 3 hours to get up and ready and out of the house - what normally takes just 45 minutes. I can't figure it out - I did everything the same as I normally do. Time just feels strangely slow at the moment.
Lifestyle Design: Creating A Life You Love
Why in the world would I put myself through this?? (I've been asking myself that every hour -lol) While I have a great life, one many might envy even, I am always in a constant state of growth & improvement.
I'm happier than I've ever been -in the grand scheme of things of course, not necessarily in this particular moment (duh- at this exact moment in time I feel like banging my head against the wall!). But happier or not, I haven't been 100% happy. In fact for most of 2009 I was fairly unhappy, and so I started this year with the intention of making serious changes.
It's much easier to sit around and complain about how things are, or wish things were different, than it is to step out and make real change.
Last year I did a lot of complaining and wishing. But I've learned that the louder that conversation gets in your head, the closer you are to stepping out of your comfort zone and starting the process of real change.
Change is hard. You have to leave your comfort zone -which is a truly nice comfy place, even if things within it are not necessarily positive. (We often lie to ourselves about how things really are, and convince ourselves it's actually fine. We don't even question the lies in our head, we just believe them.)
I miss my comfort zone. 🙁
In the last 6 months I've been changing my diet, started exercising regularly again, have been seeking out a church and other social groups, doubled my income, am finally settling in and making home in my new house, started dating someone seriously after a decade of single life, adopted a Great Dane pup... and finally, quit smoking.
A LOT of uncomfortable change. But it was that last one that did me in.
My whole world feels completely shattered at the moment, much like my poor little iPad. I'm in the process of putting all the pieces of my life back together. This time, the way I want them. Healthy, happy - and balanced.
Balance. That's a tough one. I think everyone struggles with it to some extent. In the process of quitting smoking, I've discovered that I'm obsessive to a fault. The reason I can't just smoke socially, or do anything in moderation really. Also the reason for my success in business, I'm sure. So at the moment I'm putting some serious thought into this (obsessively I'm sure) to figure out a solution. A balance. Between meltdowns, of course. Detox is harsh.
So that's where I am right now. Somewhere between two places, but definitely on the better side of the line. The fact that I published this blog post is proof - it only took me three days to write it... LOL.
Is it worth it? I'm sure it will be. Right now I feel like throwing myself off a bridge, but I'm holding strong and pushing hard to just get through this phase.
Habits and addictions are evil. -so is complacency.
Positive change doesn't come easy. Whether it's quitting smoking, losing weight, creating a successful business, changing your lifestyle, whatever - it's hard work. You can't get the highs without the lows, though. You either make the sacrifice, go all in... or stay happily unhappy.
Onward and upward...
Best,
p.s. Earlier today I ordered the Canon Vixia SF20 mentioned in my last blog post about podcasting. It should arrive on Tuesday (7/21). I figure that will give me something new & fun to focus on, and help me get back on track with the series 🙂
About Lynn Terry
My response to "My whole world feels completely shattered at the moment" is this: because you are embarking on changing many MAJOR elements in your life, that is exactly what you want. Keep praying and ask for strength. Where you are weak, He can make you strong. You absolutely must not give up on yourself no matter how difficult the path that you are taking may become.
Lifestyle Design: Creating A Life You Love
I wish I could also do that with my life..I don't know why but even when I think that I am more blessed than a lot of people( I can really see that), why can't I see myself happy the way it should be..
I said that exact thing myself! You CAN do it in your life.
Wow. I have followed your posts for some time now all the while trying to start my own online business. I had naively thought you were beyond human ;), and you still seem that way! Congratulations on all that you have changed, impressive, very impressive. I had quite smoking some time ago, very abruptly and know it is h*&l. Keep going, it can be done.
P.S. Thanks for the inspiration you continue to provide.
LOL Dave - definitely not beyond human :p Perhaps before when I was completely polluted with nicotine & toxins, aspartame & caffeine, and whatever it is they put in fast food you get in a bag through a window (that makes you completely lethargic & knocks you out cold -lol)... but now I'm just a regular human that eats real food. 😀
The physical change was pure torture. I went through withdrawal, intense anxiety, extreme depression, night terrors, insomnia, etc. I am SO glad to be on the other side of it all, and feeling "human" again.
Thank God - there is somebody on this planet who feels the same as me.
I began to think that I was somehow living in some sort of parallel universe where there is no time at all and only tiredness....
Anyhow: I quit smoking more than 10 years ago (and started again 2 years ago just to quit again - very, very, foolish thing to do) and know how hard it is. It takes about 6 weeks and then you are done with it. Just do yourself a favour and stay away from the smokes and don't give in again. It is getting harder and harder to quit otherwise.
And yes, I guess it is very, very natural that every once in a while our bodies, souls and brains just need a break. Mabye a 6 day vacation is just not enough. And if you don't offer yourself enough of a break, the better part of you is just taking it.
From my experience, there is not much you can do about it. The best thing is, try to relax and wait till it's over. Take your time with things, slow down. Your energy will be back as soon as you have adjusted to all the changes in your life.
And believe me - I do know what I am talking about 😉
Thanks for all the great inspiring and so very helpful blog posts you are providing.
All the best
Kirsten
Thank you Kirsten. I am in week 5 now, but I am still using the patch so I have a way to go yet on kicking the nicotine addiction. I'm just incredibly happy to have quit smoking, which is something I never thought I would be able to do. I've definitely slowed down, and am being good to myself - waiting this out patiently and letting things come to place naturally. A work in progress... 🙂
This is a great post Lynn.... I can totally relate to the overwhelm feeling and the adjustment to change.. Just stay course and stay strong and you can do anything. What you think about most will become positive or negative..
Thank you Brianna. I agree, and I wish it were just EASY to change the way we think, and the things we think about. It's been a real struggle for me through this phase of change. I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but I'm seeing a hypnotist - which has been a HUGE help in "reprogramming" my thought patterns. A very enlightening experience.
Oh! I am sooo with you. I completely changed mine and my children's life ten years ago (OMG-I can't believe TEN YEARS!!) where has the time gone? I walked out of a 30 year marriage, moved to London (140 miles,lived in a women's refuge for six months and went back to university and became a qualified Social Worker. But there were many times when I too felt BLAH. My emotions ranged from ecstatic, peaceful, tormented, depressed, guilty - I can go on....but I would not change anything because I began my life anew and things that used to be important to me I found were actually things that were not important in the scheme of things. So carry on giving up the smoking, enjoy your new relationship and grow your business or whatever sails your boat. And that goes for everyone reading this blog!! Good luck!
Hi Lynn,
Hope you keep it up, and congratulations on the smoking. It was helpful for me when I went through it, to remember that all of the feelings I had were signals of my body detoxing and getting healthy again. Had to remind myself frequently though. Mike
Godspeed, Lynn! oxo
I stopped smoking about 10 years ago. I new I would never be able to do it cold turkey like you. I stopped smoking at work and used nicotine chewing gums and only smoked at home and from that I gradually stopped smoking and only used the shewing gums. And from the nicotine gums I gradually went over to regular gums and then I was done with the nicotine. It maybe took me about 3-4 month all together and it was not as hard as I thought. The worst was the habit, wanting to have a reason to "take a break" at home or smoking when I needed to relax or think or...hahahaha
GOOD JOB stopping. I applaud you and good luck with how ever long it will take to get you out of the withdrawal.
Quitting smoking does suck big time but it passes and being free of the tyranny of smoking will be worth it.
Been there, doing that now, don't want to clutter my life with a t-shirt!! This entire process you talk about is what started Decluttering for Dollars and the resulting Amazon Seller Secrets book. It's very empowering to have less. As I get rid of something (and that can be anything from a tangible object to an attitude) I make way for something new in my life. I had to do this to stop my downward spiral. Just know that you're not alone, keep the faith, and enjoy the ride. There is a purpose behind it. [big hug]
I found this post really helpful because sometimes it's good to know that other people are struggling too - sorry Lynn, not good that you are struggling of course 😉 - just that we all have our tough times and our difficult times of change, I am in one right now, and it helps to know that you can come out the other side. Really lovely comments as well.
You have achieved such a lot Lynn and once you have emerged from this time you will be even stronger...and smoke free, Yay 🙂
Best wishes and thanks for the post.
Lynn,
You poor thing! omg...I want to say good for you and God bless you! You really should be proud of yourself. We keep talking about quitting and haven't taken that awful first step! Sounds like you jumped! AWESOME!! that's just awesome! Hang in there you give me hope!!! AND I have missed you very much! I look forward to everyone of your posts and I was just thinking I wonder if I have gotten myself off your list somehow...cuz I was missing you! Welcome back and again! GOD BLESS YOU!!! 🙂 thanks for the hope!! Tess
What you are experiencing is narcotic (nicotine) withdrawal. There are over 200 ingredients in cigarettes most of which are there to enhance the addiction properties of nicotine. When I quit I used the patches. They provide a small continual dose of nicotine and will eliminate the symptoms you are feeling. The patches come in three steps with each step having a smaller dose by way of a smaller size. I quite with the help of the patches and from day 1 never had any discomfort.
FYI Bob
Lynn, I so appreciate your willingness to be real. People Pretending to be Perfect is boring and outdated. Most of us out here are struggling with something or things, and we appreciate knowing we're not alone. I think the new heroes are vulnerable and open about their struggles. You're definitely a hero in my book.
Congratulations on giving up the dreaded weed and hopefully it will start to get a little easier over time.
I agree with one of the earlier posters - that it is brave to show that you are not the superwoman we assume you to be. And to post about it in a way that shows us that we all need to get out of our comfort zone to move to the next stage.
Just wish my hubby had your will power!
I can relate on adjusting to change. Sometimes you can be unhappy, but still "comfortable". It takes strength to take a step outside that comfort zone and improve your life for the better, even though you know you'll come across some hardships along the way. Congratulations of quitting smoking! =)
lol 3 hours to get ready :). You really miss the nicotine. Try some nicotine gums or something to keep you focused. I am really happy for everyone that stops smoking. It is just the such a pointless thing to smoke.
I guess you might call me a hard core smoker from age 14 to 51. It wasn't till recently in the past year I really thought of quitting. Why my COPD was gathering steam. I used the patches but with little relieve. My brother-law is a pathologist at a major medical institute and has tried for years to get me to quit. Even showing me the end result of the lungs that have been destroyed by smoke. And yes nicotine is as bad a certain other drugs namely ocaine to quit from. Proven in medical trials, however it also pointed with clear evidence that if you can get past 8 weeks, the hill is in your favor. Further, this study also has been concluded by other medical schools as well. I will put a serious effort in it again as soon as our son is set (ex US Army Ranger,who suffers PTSD and TBI. I wish you all the success in the world cause it is hard as h*l. I'll be thinking of you. In so many ways the last 5 years have been the hardest in my life!
Best of Luck,
Sincerley'
Melody J Pack
Retired US Army Ranger Mother (75th Ranger Regiment)
Blue Star Mother
I
First thing. Congratulations Lynn! That is quite an accomplishment. Thank you for sharing those encouraging words as well. I find that while I'm usually "let's go get 'em" I'm still new to the "game" and not really seeing any return has me feeling a bit, down about it, but nothing worth doing is ever always easy and I will continue 🙂
Rock on my friend! I was a 3 pack a day, 25 year smoker and it took a health concern to finally, finally make the change. Did I go a bit crazy? I don't know because I tend to believe I am a bit off the beam anyway. LOL
Seriously, it was one of the best choices I made. And I love your transparency.
Obsessive? Most definitely. You are spot on when you say it is a major reason you are so successful.
Balance is an ongoing balancing act. One that takes commitment, awareness and support through insights from those in our life who can help us stay the path.
See you in Atlanta. Looking forward to hanging out in the "no smoking" area.
Hi Lynn. I'm impressed with your strong determination. This is really a tough thing to quit. However to overcome vices can be a great achievement. This simply show that mind is more powerful over matter. Nice experience here. I get a lot of good points to ponder upon.
Hey Lynn,
Two things, one, I am really glad to hear that you are quitting smoking, even though the addiction is hard to break.
Second, there is more to life than work and balance includes knowing what your purpose in life is. All of us as we get older start to feel our mortality and wonder if this is "all" there is to life. Finding a church that you can connect with is really important and remember what you put in is what you will get out of it.
Also, an incredible book is "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. It has sold over 30 million copies. I just recently re-read it.
Thanks for sharing with us what is going on in your life. I will keep you in my prayers.
Mark
Lynn,
You can do this. I too have chosen to make many changes in my life to attain a healthy existence. These changes are difficult however, very worthwhile. I appreciate you wonderful style in writing this.
Blessings,
Joy