Internet Cowards

I woke up to an insulting comment on my blog this morning, left by an anonymous blogger. I have my blog setup so that I have to approve all comments, before they can be viewed publicly. So, needless to say, this comment never saw the proverbial light of day.

The insult itself isn't important, so I won't give the person who wrote it the satisfaction of repeating it publicly. What is important, however is the fact the blogger didn't have the guts to reveal his or her identity.

I mean, c'mon. If you dislike someone enough to insult them, don't you at least want the satisfaction of them knowing who you are? Otherwise, what exactly is the point?

Well, I guess some people would rather throw stones, then hide their hands like a child...or worse yet, like a coward!

Look, I'm sure I'm not the first blogger that this has happened to, and I certainly won't be the last. In any event, I'd love to hear your feelings on the subject.

David Jackson

David, They are cowards. What's the point if they can't take credit for saying it. I can't imagine what joy they get out of something like that.
Once again they are COWARDS !!!

The internet is full of trolls. I get stuff like that on a daily basis - from YouTube comments to nasty emails. I don't have the thickest skin in the world (far from it -lol) so I usually have to step away for a minute, blow it off, then put my blinders on and get back to work.

There is no point, except to ruffle feathers. And because they can. Childish, huh?

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Originally Posted by gailjrichardson

David, They are cowards. What's the point if they can't take credit for saying it. I can't imagine what joy they get out of something like that.
Once again they are COWARDS !!!

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Exactly, where's the thrill in it, if nobody knows who you are? I just don't get it.

David Jackson

Dear David,

Sorry to hear of the "unpleasantry." We are human and it is natural for it to bother you. If you put it into perspective, though, it may help. Focus on all of the positive comments you get. For me, personally, I try and put myself in their shoes for a minute and see where they are coming from, then imagine they must be not happy about something, and/or having some bad stuff going on in their life; I'm a Christian and so I then pray for them and try and leave it at that.

Peace,

Roey.

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Originally Posted by Lynn Terry

I don't have the thickest skin in the world (far from it -lol) so I usually have to step away for a minute, blow it off, then put my blinders on and get back to work.

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Lynn, you're probably one of the least controversial people I know. All you've ever tried to do is help people. Why try to hurt you? That's just sick!!!

David Jackson

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Originally Posted by Roey

Sorry to hear of the "unpleasantry." We are human and it is natural for it to bother you.

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Thanks, Roey. I appreciate your comments. However, believe it or not, once I vented by starting this thread, I was fine. One idiot can't ruin my day. Never have, never will.

David Jackson

Lynn, don't pay those people any attention. They are probably just jealous of what you have accomplished and they want to bring you down.

David, what a great thread title, well done sir.

Hmm. The anonymity of the net allows people to be more honest than they'd likely be face to face. We shouldn't immediately dismiss the value in that. Sure, it's not always pretty, but at least it's real.

Real is good.

We might flip the question around and ask, are we Internet cowards?

It just dawned on me just this week that I should put an anonymous feedback form on my order pages. Yes, I know I'm going to get misinformed feedback from folks that didn't try the service or even bother to read the site, but still have a firm opinion. And probably some rudeness too.

Yea, that's frustrating, but it's not going to kill me, so why be a coward?

Real is good, and anonymity is one way to get there.

More controversially, I honestly think the webmaster niche is often a vast wasteland of writing cowardice.

Everybody seems to tack towards the safety of the group consensus, trying to fit in, wear the approved pose, be liked and all the rest.

There's no crime in this, but c'mon, aren't we supposed to be writers and publishers?

How do we expect to be heard on the endless noisy ocean of the net if we don't have the courage to at least try to say something different?

Why should anybody bother to read us, if they can read the same thing a thousand other places?

We should be pushing up against the boundaries, making a little noise, rattling a few pots and pans, falling down and embarrassing ourselves regularly. The net is show biz, and the readers expect a show!

Courage might involve looking at ourselves carefully and patiently, and finding out why we've made our emotions hostage to any anonymous stranger that walks up. It's this process that imprisons us as writers.

No, please, not a quick cliche, and then race back to the safety of "normal". A hundred long threads that dig in to the subject of ourselves in depth.

We're always chanting the word "freedom" on webmaster forums. That's where we'll find it, inside our own heads, not on the Net, or in our check book.

My name is Phil Tanny, and I approved this message. Ruthlessly real replies are welcomed.

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Originally Posted by Engage

David, what a great thread title, well done sir.

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Thank you for that, Phil. As for the rest of your diatribe, If you call using unnecessarily cruel, hateful and racist language to express your point of view being real...well, that simply doesn't deserve the dignity of a response.

David Jackson

As a writer, I used to have writers send me emails all the time chastizing me when they found a typo on my web site. Idiots. What they should have done was send me an email saying, "hey, I was looking at your site, found a few typos, and would you like to hire me as your proofreader?"

http://www.cindybrock.com/smileys/duh.gif

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Originally Posted by CindyBrock

As a writer, I used to get writers send me emails all the time chastizing me when they found a typo on my web site. Idiots. What they should have done was said, "hey, I was looking at your site, found a few typos, and would you like to hire me as your proofreader?"

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Good one, Cindy. Good one! :)

David Jackson

Hi David,

Ok, no problem, just please recall it wasn't me that directed cruel, hateful and racist language at you, ok?

The group consensus of this thread is that we support you in your victim status. A number of folks have done a nice job of that already.

So the next writer to come along can fall in line, repeat the same things already said, play it safe, and be invisible. Or they can try to contribute something new, stick out a bit, and maybe be heard. That's the equation all of us face every day on our sites.

There's no way to stop anonymous people on the Internet from saying things we don't like. Proclaiming how bad these people are, and what victims we are, may be the safe socially correct thing to do, but it doesn't actually accomplish anything, does it?

The person who sent you the nasty note is offering you a gift.

They're saying that if you want to be a victim, they will help you do that. And they're reminding you that if you don't want to be a victim, you don't have to be one.

That's the power of real at work.

Whatever you want, you can have it. And that's good news.

Yes, a diatribe. Agreed, it's not always pretty, but that's what's real here, so that's what you get.

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Originally Posted by CindyBrock

What they should have done was said, "hey, I was looking at your site, found a few typos, and would you like to hire me as your proofreader?"

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And what you should have done is fire back a grateful email thanking them for working on your site for free. :)

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Originally Posted by Engage

Proclaiming how bad these people are, and what victims we are, may be the safe socially correct thing to do, but it doesn't actually accomplish anything, does it?

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Hi Phil:

When did I or anyone who responded to this thread call themselves a victim? I was merely sharing a recent negative experience in a forum setting to stimulate conversation. Nothing more.

In fact, if you read the entire thread, I clearly stated to Roey that one idiot couldn't ruin my day. I've long since moved on from this. You should as well.

David Jackson

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Originally Posted by David Jackson

I was merely sharing a recent negative experience in a forum setting to stimulate conversation.

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And we gave you the conversation you were asking for. And how that we have, we're wrong, and should stop.

You wrote an article on your site, and solicited comments. And when you received comments, they were wrong, and should stop.

I apologize for taking your thread seriously.

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Originally Posted by Engage

I apologize for taking your thread seriously.

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Actually, it is I who should apologize for taking you seriously. My first instinct was to ignore your post, like the other posters wisely did. I won't make the mistake of taking you seriously ever again.

David Jackson

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Originally Posted by David Jackson

I won't make the mistake of taking you seriously ever again.

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Ok, I agree with this plan, and am not suggesting anybody should take me seriously.

I'm suggesting we take the topic seriously. I'm agreeing with you when you said...

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In any event, I'd love to hear your feelings on the subject.

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I responded to your invitation because I felt you'd started a productive topic that opened a door to a deeper understanding of our reading and writing experience, the real job we should be doing. We aren't going to emerge from the pack as writers if we stay in the safe shallows.

So, where from here?

We could be "internet cowards", play it safe, and retreat back in to our carefully constructed public poses.

Or we could build on not taking each other seriously, by not taking ourselves too seriously either, open up, dig a bit deeper, and walk together through the door you've opened for us.

If you don't take me seriously, as I hope you don't, then you have nothing to lose by accepting the invitation you offered us in your opening post.

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Originally Posted by matthewzinda

They have not been able to succeed at whatever it is you are succeeding at, so maybe they will feel better about themselves if they try to tear you down to their level, as opposed to building themselves up to your level!

But, I wouldn't worry too much about it!

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Hi Matt:

Thanks for your feedback. After venting for a moment by starting this thread, the incident was quickly forgotten. I've moved on. :)

David Jackson

Engage - what's your real name? ;)

Just curious is all.

David I don't have much to comment on the trolls who say mean things for the sake of being mean. As you said it seems you've happily moved on to better things!

Luckily I haven't come across it much (yet!) but I'm sure when it comes I will need to brace myself and try to toughen up my skin too.

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Originally Posted by Angela Wills

Engage - what's your real name? ;)

Just curious is all.

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Angela, thanks for your comments. I appreciate hearing them. And yes, I quickly moved on from this incident. And for the record, to his credit, Engage did reveal his real name in this thread. It's Phil Tanny.

David Jackson

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Luckily I haven't come across it much (yet!)

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Well, you just aren't trying hard enough... :)

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but I'm sure when it comes I will need to brace myself and try to toughen up my skin too.

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Yes, and that's why David's thread is a good one, imho.

Whatever our niche, there are already hundreds or thousands of people writing on our topic. The information we are providing on our sites is usually easily available plenty of other places.

Let's take an example we're all familiar with.

Rock and roll bands. There are thousands of them. Half of them look an awful lot like Rolling Stones cover bands. They emerge enmasse, strike the same old pouty poses in vogue since 1963, and then vanish back in to well deserved obscurity.

If we want to launch our own new new rock and roll band, the most important thing we have to bring to the game is our unique sound, something new and different that will capture the interest of a highly jaded audience.

Check out Rickie Lee Jones. She plays in a number of genres from pop to rock to jazz, and she brings her own quite unique sound to them all.

She mumbles, slurrs her words, makes goofy songs with random abandon. You can instantly tell it's her. And how did she accomplish this?

She had the courage to be different.

This is the same challenge we face as web authors.

Everybody online has access to the same tools and information. If our sites are based on that, we're screwed.

If we steer right down the middle of the accepted safe group consensus, we're invisible.

If we come to forums like this and read, say and do the same things everybody else is reading, saying and doing, we'll be invisible.

Being invisible is not what publishing is all about.

By definition, having a unique voice requires departing somehow from the safe and comfortable middle of the road group consensus.

No, you don't have to be a fatheaded old blowharding diatriber like me, (STAY OUT OF MY TERRITORY!! :) ) but you have to have the courage to do something different.

The best approach is usually to figure out who you really are. Most of us have no idea because we're so busy all the time trying to be what we think other people want us to be.

Find out who you really are, and then be it with brave abandon, warts and all.

If you do that, be assured somebody is going to yell at you, and tell you you suck.

That's their problem.

Don't make it yours.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be invisible.

Yes, my name is Phil Tanny, and I approved this diatribe.

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Originally Posted by Engage

Being invisible is not what publishing is all about.

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Phil, you're so stubbornly intent on trying to prove your own point, you can't or won't accept the obvious. And that is internet trolls are sad, pathetic cowards who say vicious and nasty things, then hide behind their computer screens...period...end of story.

You're way out in left field screaming about being different, and not being invisible. Can't you see the irony in your statements? It's our visibility that makes us targets in the first place. Internet trolls don't discriminate. They attack you if you're different, and they attack you if you're the same as everyone else. It doesn't matter to them.

That's what trolls do. They spit their caustic venom, and quickly move on to the next site. Everyone who responded to this thread recognizes that fact.

Sadly, you're the only one who doesn't.

David Jackson

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internet trolls are sad, pathetic cowards who say vicious and nasty things, then hide behind their computer screens...period...end of story.

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Stating this well known fact, and repeating it again and again, seems of limited value to us here. These people exist, and there's nothing we can do about it. I don't see the point in yelling at the weather.

Instead, I've been looking for ways to convert the experience you referred to in to something useful.

If I've failed in that in regards to you, ok fair enough, I'm glad you are reporting your honest reaction, that's good.

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Originally Posted by Engage

I've been looking for ways to convert the experience you referred to in to something useful.

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Useful to whom? I simply started this thread to vent a little. I vented, and quickly moved on from the incident. Let's not make this thing any more complicated than that. Because it isn't.

David Jackson

The moral of the story: Not everyone will like you. Not all of them will even have a reason...they just won't. Some will actually say something to that effect.

Giving attention to them is giving power to them. Ignore them and move on. Life's just too short...


Dan

Um, well, uh, I don't really see much evidence you've moved on from venting. :) Which is ok with me, I've no objection to venting, and do it all the time myself.

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Let's not make this thing any more complicated than that.

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Is it reasonable to ask why this is important to you?

This forum is about publishing. You would prefer that I enter the thread and repeat what everyone else has already done a good job of expressing, thus contributing nothing?

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Originally Posted by WAHumor

Not everyone will like you. Giving attention to them is giving power to them. Ignore them and move on. Life's just too short...

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That's easy enough to say, Dan. But we're all different, and we all react to situations differently. The fact of the matter is sometimes words hurt. They hurt deeply, even if those words are said anonymously.

That being said, generally, I do ignore those types of comments. I've received them before, and ignored them. But this particular comment was so racially tinged and hateful, it struck an emotional chord deep within me. I simply couldn't ignore it.

So, I started this thread to vent a little that's all. I vented, and quickly moved on.

David Jackson

David - sorry that happened to you.

I agree - anonymously slamming someone - ESPECIALLY when it becomes a personal attack - is NOT real. It is cowardly.

I am far more inclined to respect - and engage - with someone who addresses their concerns with me directly rather than hiding behind a cloak of secrecy.

Good for you for being able to brush it off and move on... well done!

... and Lynn - I agree with the rest. You've done so much for so many - without ever over-hyping - I can't imagine why anyone would target you - other than good old-fashioned jealousy!

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Originally Posted by TrishL

David - sorry that happened to you.

I agree - anonymously slamming someone - ESPECIALLY when it becomes a personal attack - is NOT real. It is cowardly.

Good for you for being able to brush it off and move on... well done!

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Thank you, Trish. I appreciate you saying that. :)

Yeah, I've always been pretty resilient. I tend to bounce back quickly from negativity.

David Jackson