Do you dance alone? How to deal with an unsupportive spouse?

Many of us daily have to deal with friends, family, spouses, etc who, while they may think they have good intentions, are basically dream killers. I admit it, I don't know what I'm doing, but have what I feel is a good idea, have had it affirmed to me by co-workers, friends and folks on this site.

Steve Jobs was quoted in a commencement speech that "...you should look in the mirror and live your life everyday like it's your last, because at some point, it will be." I want to step away from the safety and security of the wall where my friends and family hang out and walk to the middle of the dance floor and dance, but I have a spouse, who I love dearly, who isn't supportive.

Dreamkiller is a bit harsh... Realist is too easy... but she's somewhere in-between. I share my thoughts and ideas with her and I just can't gain much traction. Anybody working thru this or have any advice?

Jim

Hi, Jim:

If you have to dance alone, then do just that. Although it isn't ideal and no one really (wants) to dance alone, if that is the only option available to you for now - then dance and have a ball.

Metaphor aside. Lol. Sometimes it's more that they too don't know what all this online marketing stuff is, so they might chalk it up to "it's a pipe dream". And depending on your skills and ambition, it might very well be just that. Lol. Only you know what you're capable of and only you - can make it a reality.

Good luck.

Hi Jim,

I have to say that I am very lucky to have a supportive husband and don't deal with that but I can honestly say that he has no idea what I'm doing.

Sometimes we have to just do what we have to do for ourselves and move forward. You are in the right place to surround yourself with supportive friends.

It is still kinda funny to me when a family member ask me to do something and I say I can't.. I have to..and there reply will be oh you are doing that stuff you do. They too have no idea what I am doing but they have learned to except that I'm doing it and that take me serious because I have learned to make it plain I am doing it.

Hope your spouse comes around because I know it will make things easier for you but hang it there.

Gail

I have a supportive husband. It is just that he thinks things can be done very fast. He is just a techy as i am...maybe more so...
we just do different things better than the other. Anything I want to try he tells me go for it! Then a week later asks if I have
made any money...lol!
I do agree that you should keep to yourself anything your spouse does not understand as far as the internet goes. When I tell anyone outside what I am trying to do I get this blank stare...and then a ah huh?

My hubby is very supportive and yet, like me, somewhat critical. Example: I mentioned the other day that I'm going to start doing my accounting every Monday morning for the previous week. His response was "Why on earth would you want to do that? Do you really want to start the week off with something that can be negative?" My first thought was why would he be so negative? I just finished getting everything ready for 2011 and I'm making an effort to stay on top of 2012 so I don't spend the first two months of 2013 doing my accounting (off and on of course LOL).

I mentioned to him that I wanted to do it Monday morning because I think it will be beneficial to start the week off knowing where I'm at financially *and* it might help me not overspend that week. Given this month has been my best month ever, I know I need to stay on top of it or either outsource it.

Point being, I asked him why he was so critical about what I said. He said "That's just my opinion. Am I not entitled to an opinion?" He wasn't trying to be critical. Frequently he has good ideas and it's important for me to see his feedback as his opinion, his ideas.

Maybe you could ask your wife why she feels the way she does and let her know you need to feel supported.

When the money starts rolling in, a lot of that negativity will go away probably. Maybe she's concerned that what you are doing isn't going to pay off and she just wants to help by playing devil's advocate? I would sit down and talk about it and let her know how you feel. :o)

What a great topic! And welcome to all the new members! :)

This month I am celebrating 15 years in business, and I've dealt with this issue plenty along the way. My first business was a partnership with my husband, who looked at my "business plan" (on a legal pad with ZERO experience lol) and said "that'll never work". My reply was "What's the worst that could happen??" We did 6 figures our first full year.

My father thought it was a stupid idea too. Biting off more than I could chew, I think. Even about 6 or 7 years ago (I believe) he made a snide comment to me one day when I was frustrated - and said "Well if it isn't working then quit and do something else." To which I paused for a long second, and then asked "Do you want to compare Profit & Loss statements?" - end of conversation.

I ultimately had to go it alone. And so I did. And I have no regrets. Unfortunately my marriage ended 12 years ago, so I had to do it as a single parent. I went through a bitter phase (lol) and decided I'd show them all. And I did. :) Of course, by the time I reached true success - I could care less what they thought.

Not advice to you, just my story. If I was going to offer you advice, it would be to let her know how important it is to you that you check it out and give it a proper go. That it matters to you. Set aside an amount of time to devote to your online business (an hour a day, two if you have it?) and otherwise make sure your family gets quality time with you. Set aside your work time at the best time for your family (not during usual family time).

Wishing you the best with your dreams!

Hey Jim, you're definitely not alone on this. I literally can't talk about any of what I do with my parents and sister. They just shut off. I think it's because they just can't concieve ideas like I do so it's out of their realm. I have to limit what I talk about to my hubby. He is very supportive but I get obsessive so I could talk about what I'm doing ALL the time but that gets boring to other people. My daughter used to switch off too (she's 18)...probably thinking I was mad! But I've just helped her start a blog and now she's asking questions and getting excited!

The point is, do what you want to do, I think many of us are going it alone and that's perectly okay! We're all chasing dreams BUT at least we are chasing them and haven't given up on them like many others.

Good luck with making yours come true :)

I live alone so dancing alone is not an issue. The issue is that I think I have a dream killer inside own my head. And I think she might well be right. :-) When do you know it's time to quit?

I disagree with the voice in your head, Satu :)

I've seen your skills & talents, and I think you've got it!

Hi Jim!

I too am single and live alone so obviously I dance alone lol. But I deal with this from 99% of my family & in fact just today my dad called & told me he thinks it's time to throw in the towel (I've been working from home as a Virtual Assistant since January 2006) and go back into the 'real world' and get a J-O-B. He thinks I can make more working at a minimum wage paying job (now interestingly my dad doesn't have a clue what I make monthly in my business...this is coming from the fact that he loaned me a significant amount of money last month to pay for an unexpected large car repair bill.). I almost choked when I heard him say that. I also think that this comes from the fact that my dad doesn't understand what I do, how I get paid, etc. It's hard for people that don't 'get' what we do to be supportive...at least that's what I think.

I know how frustrating it is for me to have all the negativity and doubts from family members - I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like coming from a significant other or spouse. I think you have been given a lot of good advice about going for it and dancing alone if you have to and also try explaining to her why this is important to you, etc.

Good luck Jim!

Tishia

It's so frustrating having to hear all the negativity and doubt from my family I couldn't imagine what it would be like coming from a spouse or a significant other.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lynn Terry

I disagree with the voice in your head, Satu :)

I've seen your skills & talents, and I think you've got it!

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Thanks for disagreeing with my dream killer, Lynn! :p I really hate the dream killer inside me because fighting against it robs me of so much of my energy and it's not only limited to this aspect of my life. It's actually a bigger problem to me than lack of skills, knowledge or talent.

Most of the skills & knowledge you need in im are relatively easy to learn once you get rid to the assumption that there's some secret magic bullet technique to success.

I must keep on fighting though, because what would be the alternative?

Exactly. And we ALL have a "dream killer" voice. Even me.

I am currently reading Evolve Your Brain: The Science of Changing Your Mind. Highly recommended! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lynn Terry

Exactly. And we ALL have a "dream killer" voice. Even me.

I am currently reading Evolve Your Brain: The Science of Changing Your Mind. Highly recommended! :)

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That sounds like a great book! I've just added it to my list of books to read this year!

AWESOME so far. He just came out with another book on Feb 12th that I have as well. The title escapes me at the moment, but I'll be digging into that next. ;-)