Online Identity

[Chris2]

Some of the comments in another thread got me to questioning the whole Online Identity thing so I'm hoping to get some feedback here.

It seems to me that a large number of successful bloggers tell us they are using their real names, and they have photos of themselves (supposedly) posted on their blogs. Many do videos as well where we see them talking. They say that being "real" is one of the major keys to their popularity/success.

I've gone back and forth on this myself for some time and had finally decided that the new trend and best way to succeed online is to be "real". To use your real name, photo, and if you are doing a more personal type blog, talk about yourself and your life (without revealing anything that could potentially jeopardize your safety, of course). I made this decision based on what the new trend seems to be with other bloggers, but now I'm noticing other successful online marketers/bloggers who are using their own names have said if they had it to do over they'd use a pen name. This has me second-guessing again.

It seems like people are wanting to see a real person behind a website/blog anymore. They want to "get to know you" on some level before making a purchase or getting involved in some other way. Personally, I'm turned off by websites that don't have what I "believe" to be a real name and photo. With blogging, over time you can generally get a "feel" for who a person is/what they stand for just by reading and you mentally connect the name and photo of the person to that feeling. Over time, as you read/follow more, you get more comfortable with that "person" or the site/blog. The more comfortable you are, the more likely you are to heed advice, post a comment, and/or make a purchase.

We've all heard it said many times that people do business with people they know, like and respect. (Even if the "person" is just an illusion, the results are the same.) The key words there, to me, are: people... know... like... respect. People want to do business with people... not words, graphics and buy buttons. They want to feel like they "know" the person they are dealing with, at least on some level. Of course, they have to like them, otherwise they probably wouldn't purchase anything. Respect is also very important, and this has to be earned, I think.

Considering all this, I would think a photo (at the very least) would be critical to success online. Posting that photo, however, seems erase all anonymity.

Also, how can you be "real" if you use a pen name? And what good is a pen name (if you are using it for safety/security reasons) if you post a photo of yourself on your site and are posting videos of yourself? But nowadays you almost have to do video to get people's attention.

I'd love to get everyone's thoughts on all this.

Plus, what if you are not 30 something and gorgeous? What if you're 85, bald and wrinkled and you think your photo would hurt your site rather than help it? In that case, the same would be true of getting in front of a video camera, so how would you address that?

Thanks! - Chris2 (who, btw, is not 30 something and gorgeous, but not 85, bald and wrinkled either )

[stormy]

I don't know if this answers your question, but I think you have to be real to get anywhere long term. It's just too much work otherwise building truly fake personas. This stuff is enough work as it is without having to develop multiple personalities as well.

I am not a successful blogger so bear that in mind, but what I did, to protect myself a tiny bit, was to use my middle name instead of my real first name. Some other people use say their middle name and their grandmother's maiden name - or some such thing. But your photos and your life story and everything else is completely real.

It's not much protection, but say I wanted to give this all up and go get a job, and the person interviewing me looked my actual first name and last name up online, they wouldn't find me at all. Obviously if I wanted them to find me I could say - I used my middle name for all my online stuff - look here. But otherwise it would be like I didn't exist online. If old school friends look me up using my name, I don't exist online etc.

But I am me, there is only one version of me and it's real. With Google+ now you have to have your real person, it does not deal with fake personas.

[ChristineCobb]

Just as you said you were turned off by websites that don't have a "real" person behind it, I think that is the normal reaction. Well-known brands (Best Buy, Wal-Mart, Netflix, etc) have spent millions to build trust in their brand which takes the place of having a real person behind it.

For us small web business owners, it is absolutely necessary to build trust through developing our brand through our personas. Now that may be with a middle name like Stormy suggested or our real name like Lynn does or a pen name. It is even more critical when your product(s) are heavily associated with YOU. The disadvantage of using a pen name in that circumstance is that it makes it more difficult to create massive online visibilty (where people say, "I see you everywhere").

One of the most viewed pages on a website is the About page. Check your exit page stats. Are people leaving your site after reading your About page? I, too, am turned off when the About page says "I do this" and "I did that" but they refuse to say who they are.

Imagine opening a brick and mortar store in your town, and when people come into the store, you stay in the back room and maybe talk to them through an intercom attached to a life-size cut-out of a cartoon character. How successful would that be? Not!

There are situations where a pen name is perfectly fine. Lynn has successfully used a pen name in some of her niche sites. In those circumstances, the product wasn't dependent upon the person behind the site.

As for whether a photo would hurt the site unless you are really good looking, I say no. More important is your ability to communicate well enough so that people feel like they know you and like you.

[DebraLloyd]

Hey Chris,
I agree and I'm pretty certain there's enough statistics out there to confirm what you're thinking - people buy from people not logo's, they buy when they feel they like and trust you. My take is if someone is going to take the time to 'stop by' my site, then I owe them the respect of being real and being a real person.

I don't think it's unreasonable for me to take some basic 'security measures' to be sure someone doesn't show up at my back door unless they're specifically invited (in which case read my profile you'll guess it'd be much appreciated if you show up with wine, but you can skip the chocolates - my heart and hips don't need those

I agree with Stormy (and yes we do know each other in 'real' life - BTW I had the pleasure to meet Chris Cobb all be it too briefly at NAMS), it's essential that you present the real you, with a real life story and a real image, wrinkles and all. For me as with most, it's the wrinkles and how they got there that made me who I am today - I'm old enough to know not everyone is going to like or want to hear everything I have to say and of course that's ok too.

I'm not always right, when I figure out I'm wrong I make every effort to correct whatever it is I've said, done or thought. But I am always honest, always me and yes I still almost always have an opinion I've done a lot, experienced successes and failures, made stupid, expensive mistakes both in business and in life and I survived it all so I feel like I can share all that and maybe save someone else some of the GNA (grief 'n' aggravation).

There's a reason some of those guru's are saying if they started over they would use a pen name, something at some point has happened to make them feel that would have been smart. I say be real yourself, use your own real photo but be just a little bit smart and use a middle or maiden name and a P.O. Box and only invite people you've already met in person over to your real home. To that end go to NAMS in August, you'll learn a ton, meet great people there and you'll find out whose using old photos for their profile pics

Hope to see you there Chris2, I notice BTW you do not have a profile pic on here, c'mon now we all know you look like Hugh Jackman just as you can see I look EXACTLY like Angelina Jolie - I just keep pushing that one for me just in case the image will stick!

Cheers,
Deb

[Chris2]

This feedback is great! Keep it coming. You've ALL made excellent observations and points, so far. Thank you.

@stormy - I just got a google+ invite from a friend of mine under her pen name... so she's found a way to not use her real name there and I just sent her an email to ask how she did it. I just can't imagine using my real name on google or fb or any of the social media sites. I'm so totally a recluse/introvert and I'll admit.. a little paranoid about sharing any info that could jeopardize my security/safety/websites/business/bank accounts/etc..

@Christine - I've written for the public before and gotten great responses so I think I could manage the part about getting readers to feel like they know me and like me, etc.. (not all, of course, but enough readers).

@ Debra - LOL... I had to google to find out who HJ is. I live under a rock, I swear. Threw out my tv nearly 20 years ago so I tend to stay kind of behind on who's who in the world. Yes, I'm very weird. I'm also female. It's funny, a lot of people think I'm male when they read my posts, etc.. but then.. I'm not like "most women" so maybe my style/language is a little obtuse or something. I'm gay, never married, no kids, business-oriented, self-sufficient, opinionated but compassionate, too soft-hearted, and have often done the impossible before breakfast. So, with just that little bit you can see I'm a bit abnormal. Honestly, I've never been into photos, of myself or anyone/anything else. I have a few nature photos but that's it. I have one lousy photo of me and my dog I might could upload to my profile, but that's it. I know, I need to get a good photo. As for NAMS, I'd love to go in August, but it will depend on where I am... literally... I am moving back to Texas within the next few months (hopefully) and not sure if NAMS will be doable.

Okay so, yes, most people could use a middle name or whatever and be okay with that, but still, if you are going to have your photo on your site and do videos to relate to your audience better (to increase your "web presence", readership, loyalty, engagement, etc.) it doesn't matter if you call yourself Mickey Mouse... people who know you will KNOW who you are.

While I intend to take every precaution with security/safety issues (website security, use po box, and all that type of thing) the name/photos/video part of it all are my main dilemma.

Let me explain a bit.. I was raised in a very religious family (ie: cult.. more or less) and I'm talking my extended family here, too. I was involved from the age of 6 to my late 20's. It took me until age 39 to finally figure out how wrong that religion is. That's about the same time I started to realize I'm gay. (And it was pretty earth-shattering to figure it out that late in life, but that's how powerful denial can be. God hates gay people, you know... lol.) Because of that religion I have never told any of my family (I'm sure some suspect, but I'll never tell them as it would open a huge catastrophic can of worms). There are quite a few members of my extended family that live in the same town I grew up in. My mom still lives there, too. Dad has passed away. Mom just turned 80 this month.

Basically, I just walked away from the religion and people have learned over the years NOT to talk to me about it because I just walk away from them or hang up or never respond to their letters. The issue is... my mom is still totally involved in it, that's her whole world. If I tell her or anyone I'm gay the sh** will hit the fan as far as the religion and their "disciplinary actions" (LOL) toward me... will devastate my mom. Personally, I don't give a rat's behind about it, but I do care very much about my mom and don't want to put her though that.

I know this all seems completely irrelevant... but bear with me...

I'm creating a blog about depression, specifically it will contain a lot about my own decades-long experiences with depression (primarily due to the religion itself, being gay and a lot of other things) in the interest of helping others to get past the kind of depression that relates to circumstances (vs chemical imbalances). Mine, obviously was circumstantial. I managed to cure my own depression. It took lots of work and a great deal of reading/learning, but I did it, and I believe others can, too, regardless of it's origin... as long as they are serious about it.

Here's the problem... I WANT to be real with my audience... but I don't want my mom (or any of her friends, or other family members, etc.) to know that I have this site, or if they happen to find it.. be able to link it back to me because, again, the sh** would hit the fan and my mom would suffer the most from that. She's 80! I don't want to rock her boat at this late stage of the game. So I'm trying to figure out a way to make all this work, to have a successful blog, but keep my real identity hidden at least until she passes (which I hope will be many years down the road!)

Yes, it's very complicated. I'd appreciate all the input I can get on this. Thanks in advance!

[DebraLloyd]

Well that'll teach me to make assumptions, isn't that dumb that I took your name and assumed you were a guy. Anyway you don't sound abnormal at all, you sound like a smart, strong, articulate and motivated person - all else is or should be irrelevant.

But WOW Chris - that's quite the story and now it makes total sense that you want and need to protect your Mom's privacy too. I could care less about people's personal life, I only care that I associate with people who have principles and treat others with respect. I guess you could say I'm very much a live and let live type - but OMG at the same time I have an opinion on just about everything, I just don't expect everyone else to agree with it and neither do I want to be pressured to convert to theirs! I like to discuss, decide and at worst agree to differ on things - end of story, but it sounds like you have been on the wrong end of people who think their way is the only way and that is sad for them and you.

So back to your situation though - hmm maybe you could create (or have someone do it for you) a 'cartoon' avatar that allows people to have a 'human face visual' to relate to, but does not identify you specifically such that it might cause a problem for you or your Mom. It certainly sounds as if your writing would do the rest and if your audience is people who might be dealing with depression I would just have something that explains you prefer to retain some level of anonymity but promise to be real just the same - those who are motivated to like and trust you will anyway and those who won't you'd never win over anyway.

There ya go - IMNSHO on that one. Maybe someone else will have a better idea but that's what I'm coming up with at the moment. Either way, I wish you all the very best with whatever you decide to do and we're glad to have you in our group regardless - you're raising some great questions that will help us all.

Cheers,
Deb

[stormy]

@Chris2

Don't know where you got the idea I said names other than those that are strictly your own were not allowed on Google+ profiles. The name I use is not my real name as such, as I explained above. When I said on G+ you can't use fake personas - I meant that you can't go making people up and having 9 different people who don't exist each with their own G+ accounts. I may have a name that is not quite the same as my everyday name, but the life and work it describes is my own on G+.

There may be away around it, to have fake personas, (like Jason Bourne has passports), but unlike say the practice at ezine articles, it is not Google's intention to allow that.

Of course there will be people who manage to get around the rules, but it is quite clearly stated by Google. You can read them here yourself.

Regarding your story and how it impacts your online identity - I don't see how you can have a site that draws on your life without revealing your identity too. The details of your experiences will out you if your name does not. Have you read "My Life In Orange"? Maybe you could write a book instead at some point in the future.

[Chris2]

@ stormy - sorry, I misunderstood about the Google+ profiles. Thanks so much for clarifying and for the link. I'll do some reading I'm honestly dragging my feet about all the social "stuff", and sharing because it soooo goes against my nature. But I know if I'm to be successful online I have to be as "out there" as I can be.. just maybe not with my real name.

@ Debra/Angelina - Hey! Don't you ever call yourself "dumb" in my presence! You are definitely NOT dumb, as I said, it's a common misconception. Maybe there are just more male Chris's in the world than female, not sure why people tend to make that assumption, I just thought it was the way I write. Of course, if I would post a photo there'd be less confusion hey? lol.

You and I sound so much alike as far as values/principles, etc.. I grew up in a very judgmental environment, and I was expected to be judgmental and critical of others, too. (Though they called it something else.) Once I got far enough away from it all to start thinking for myself and seeing a different side of the world (different people/viewpoints/etc.) I totally changed about that. I may have my opinions on someone's choices, but I try hard not to be judgmental because... guess what? In their place, with their life experiences and circumstances I'd probably be doing exactly what they are so how can I judge anyone? No one has all the answers either. No one is better than anyone else. We all have our "stories" and we've all had our "rough spots" in life and truth be told, many of us would find that compared to some, our lives have been/are pretty soft. I think the real measure of a person is how far they're able to go because of, or in spite of, the hand life has dealt them.

I'm really glad the story added clarity to what my issues are regarding privacy and my mom and all that. I wasn't sure whether I should share that much, but didn't know how else to get the real questions out there.

I think yours is an excellent suggestion about the cartoon avatar with the explanation. I'd thought of the avatar or some kind of "made up image", or even just a photo of an animal (maybe a zebra because the site name will be zenzebras.com), but never thought about explaining why I didn't have my real photo on my site... duh... lol. Like you say, those motivated to like and trust will, those who won't wouldn't otherwise. This makes perfect sense.

"The names have been changed to protect the innocent"... like on Dragnet... lol. (Yeah, but I was a kid then I swear!)

Now you've got me all excited again because that (explaining why) is certainly do-able. YouTube will just have to wait, I suppose, unless I can figure out how to transform the avatar into a moving hologram or something.. now that would be a trip! (Don't look for that soon.)

[ChristineCobb]

The videos are no problem. Just use screencast videos or PowerPoint videos instead. If your voice would give you away, then you can get a friend or even someone on Fiverr to read your script.

[Chris2]

@ Christine - so now you're going to make me work huh?... lol. I had in mind (ideally) just sitting and talking "face to face" with people on my video explaining the points I want to share. With PowerPoint I'd need to come up with images to explain/enhance the points. Sounds intriguing, actually. I think my voice would give me away, so I would have to find someone to do the voice part, but with all these other things sorted out, that's a pretty small issue.

I'm so glad I posted this thread. You guys are the best!