For most people, the idea of having a successful online business and/or working from home is all about strategic lifestyle design.
About financial security, spending more of your time doing things you enjoy, and ultimately - about being "happy".
In the beginning, most of us need to focus on the financial end of that dream in order for the rest of it to fall into place.
Here's something I discovered though, and you may have already discovered this yourself: the rest of it doesn't necessarily fall into place on it's own.
The title says "I'm Struggling". This is an actual test result from earlier today, and results I already knew and expected...
While I was on my way to Vegas for the Affiliate Summit West event, I passed a book store and the display caught my eye. I stopped and bought two of the books displayed, and then hurried off for my flight.
One of those books was Well Being: The Five Essential Elements by Tom Rath and Jim Harter. Let me just say upfront, I don't necessarily recommend you read this book.
It's dry and quite difficult to get through, unless you like statistical data and boring text. You really have to either love to read, or have a genuine interest in the subject, to get through this one...
And I did. Have a genuine interest, that is.
It's not that there isn't good information in the book, because there is. It just isn't what you'd call a "page turner". And I'll share the main points here in this post with you anyway.
Back to my interest in the topic of well-being... For some time now I've been working on making positive changes in my life. That time specifically being: since I achieved my financial goals. Career and Finances, by the way, are 2 of the 5 elements that affect our overall well-being according to the book.
The positive changes I've been attempting to make have to do with the other three elements: Health, Social & Community. That's why this particular book caught my eye, and why I spent the time to read it (or in this case, chew it like a bad steak).
The book confirmed, through pages and pages of dreadful statistical data, exactly what I was feeling and thinking about the things that are missing in my life. The up side is that confirmation was a positive, and the book also discussed solutions. Even better, it inspired some creative thinking and motivation - both of which I needed.
Here it is all laid out in a pretty picture:
I couldn't have said it better myself. 😛
After reading the book, I took the online "well being finder" (test). As you can see in the image above, you are scored in all 5 categories. You are either Thriving, Struggling or Suffering. As I said earlier on, these were results I expected - and already knew about myself. I'm thriving in career/financial areas of course, and struggling/suffering in the other areas.
Interestingly, you can compare your results with others. My score was only a couple of points different compared against other women, compared against people in my age group, and even compared with people in my income bracket. We scored different in different categories, but came out with the same overall score.
Which lead me to wonder - If most people are struggling or suffering in a few of the areas, which areas would I prefer to be thriving in? Food for thought...
What Is "HAPPY" Anyway?!
This is a question I've been asking for the better part of a year now.
Happy is not something tangible like, say, a brownie. A warm, gooey melt-in-your-mouth chocolate brownie. I bet you could almost taste that on the tip of your tongue as you read it, couldn't you? I could! But happy, now that's a different story. Try describing it. Every word you can come up with is just another intangible elusive description of something you can't really describe.
It's something you can fake. But not something you can make - like a pan of brownies. I don't care what anyone tells you, you cannot manifest happiness out of thin air. That would be like choosing who you love or who you don't, which is unfortunately impossible and has made plenty of people very UN-happy.
You can tolerate people. You can be nice to them even. But you can smile too, without actually being "happy".
These are the kinds of thoughts that occupy my mind while enjoying my morning coffee, or watching the sun set. I imagine that everyone is content about something in their life, and discontented about other things. The way I see it, we're all equally happy & unhappy for the most part - just for different reasons. Which is exactly what the book and data and their test result comparisons confirmed...
Achieving Balance - Is It Even Possible?
I like to think so.
We were just discussing that over at Nicole's blog: Balancing Work & Family. The various answers were interesting. Again, confirming that you and I are not the only ones that struggle with this kind of thing.
On balance, the world would have us think that all we have to do is get rich (or achieve "financial freedom"), and everything else will work itself out. That is simply not the case. Just like investing in your career or business, the other areas of your life require an investment as well - in order to thrive, that is.
We make hundreds, if not thousands, of choices every single day that affect where we fall on the thriving/suffering graph. (I prefer to think that life just happens to me and I had no part in all this... but then I don't get to take credit for my thriving career -lol) I like how the book breaks it down into 5 categories, and discusses how each of those relate to the others: Career, Health, Financial, Social, Community.
The choices we make include what to say, do, eat, drink, not say, not do, not eat, not drink, etc. We might choose not to take a morning walk, not to have a healthy breakfast, and therefore not to feel our best for the rest of the day. Our choice. That choice might affect how we perform at work, how people respond to our performance, and our perception of work in general. You get the point...
I love the idea of looking at it as micro-choices, versus the big picture. It's much easier, and much less overwhelming. It also helps you own the outcome (take personal responsibility) which can be very empowering.
What It Takes To Be Happy
According to the book, it takes a good score in all 5 of the categories to achieve an overall sense of well being. I like that term: "well being". It's much easier than "happy", because even when I haven't necessarily felt happy... I couldn't say I was UN-happy either.
From what I can tell, most people are Struggling. We're all trying to figure out how to get into the Thriving section of the graph. The key is taking a holistic view of your life and lifestyle, and investing in the areas that need the most work.
This is exactly what I've been doing over the last year. You've probably seen some of that transformation take place if you follow my updates on Twitter or Facebook. You've seen me adopt a dog, start dating, take vacations, enjoy new personal interests, take long walks, buy a new car, etc. And I'm still working on it.
How This Relates To Online Business...
I bring this topic up because I think my results (graph above) make a mighty big statement. Specifically about what it takes to create a balanced, enjoyable, fulfilling lifestyle as an online business owner.
There are people that eat, breathe & sleep this stuff. That live for the next big idea. Wake up half a dozen times a to check stats from their mobile. Hop from one thing to another and test new off-the-wall stuff out the wazoo.
Then there are people that quietly run a successful online business in as few hours as humanly possible and spend the rest of their waking hours actually creating and living a real life.
I know, because I used to be the former and am now working on becoming the latter. I was just talking to a friend via email last week about that - about what an impact passive income has had on her life in the last year, and what it enabled her to achieve in her personal life. The kind of things you just couldn't do otherwise...
Regardless of how (obviously) enjoyable my work is, and the fact that I'm thriving financially, I can tell you firsthand that having important elements missing in your life does take its toll.
Put serious consideration into this - into your overall state of well being - as you create your business model and your ideal lifestyle. You certainly don't want to end up with a graph like mine -lol. I'm continuing to work on it as well, and even have an entire Lifestyle section in my Project Management software. Specifically to make and track changes and progress in those areas.
It's that important - and success in those areas won't happen on it's own, just like success with your online business. You have to be proactive about making it happen.
I hope this topic has given you food for thought, and some ideas for achieving your ideal life & career. Ooh, and speaking of food thoughts...
I'm off to make that pan of brownies! 😀
I would love to hear your thoughts, and specifically what you think about the concept of "happiness" in general. Without even taking the test, can you imagine where you are thriving / struggling / suffering in each of the categories??
Best,
p.s. The other book I bought at the airport book store was The 1% Solution for Work and Life: How to Make Your Next 30 Days the Best Ever
. I'm reading it next, and I'll let you know what I think. Hopefully it's a better read than the first one...
This blog post was sponsored by Duncan Hines (haha - Just Kidding!)
About Lynn Terry
Wow, 80 comments on this post - what a hot topic, Lynn!
I've been thinking about this myself quite a bit lately. And I was just reminded of the importance of taking the time to define what success means to me.
Not just defining success in general, which, for most people, tends to tilt toward career & financial success. But defining success in each area of my life: career, financial, health, spiritual, intellectual, family, and social.
I believe my level of success in each life area is determined by my definition of success for each life area. Because I can never truly reach something that isn't clearly defined.
Hi, your journey of finding happiness is an interesting one to read. Whatever you have said is correct and connecting that idea to online marketing was nice. Happiness is just being in the present moment and accepting whatever is there. Do post articles like these in future too.
This post is perfect timing. I'm working through an Anthony Robbins program right now.
I was always chasing the money(and still am to a degree), but with that narrow focus I bought a business that I had zero interest in. I always wanted my own business, but I never thought about what kind of business. That equalled 6 years of misery, but...I did learn a lot.
I'm finally pursuing something I enjoy and am good at, and that's writing. Had I not let outside influence direct me, I think I'd be quite successful by now. The important thing is, I finally decided to do what I'm passionate about. I think a lot of people take on things/careers that other people think they should do...or marry someone they're not TOTALLY crazy about. And you better be TOTALLY crazy about the other person, because marriage is tough.
I think the key to happiness is doing what you're passionate about. Even if you can't make a living at it, never give it up. Keep searching for a way to make it happen. We have that "inner voice" for a reason, but so many times we ignore it and try to force things that are just not meant to be. It's our guide,(to some degree), like a map. And when we go of course, or try to take a short cut it ends up costing us.
You have to decide what success is to you. And ONLY you. If you're happy making $30k/year living in an apt, then you're happy. It's your life, just live it.
Stay in motion,
Dana Houser
Great article! Interesting that since I was a teen I knew I would want to work from hom for one very key reason. to have more time around my (future at that time) family. I still rather it this way than job in an office away from home since there is no commute and I can actually have lunch with my wife and soon to be born first son. I do find though that working from home, you can easilly end up working more and longer hours than you would ever at an office, especially if it's in a field that you love.. You end up having problems finding time for much else!
It's interesting but not surprising that running an internet business from home can very easilly be more time consuming and stressful than a regular 9-5 away from home office job. But I think at the end of the day it could very well be far more rewarding. The key I think is managing my time better. work wise I am an organizational freak, plan and manage everything down to a T, but I also include my personal time in this as well. As hard as it is to pull my self away from work sometimes, I have to do it or risk going to high on my burnout-odometer (as I like to call it). Don't get me wrong.. when there is work there is work.. and sometimes I end up working 70+ hour weeks... but still I think to maintain balance, it must be planned and followed through as if it was a project at the (home) office.
The ever lasting question - what is happiness and how do I balance everything else going on in my life so I can be happy?
It's a tough question but I think anyone who starts to think about this is off to a good start. Many simply ignore and think life is what it is and that is it. And they never do anything about trying to change so they can achieve a life that is happier and more balanced. And of course, add running a biz to that and it get even more complicated. However some people seem to be doing it quite well but it probably took them some time to figure out how to do it.
I just wrote a post about this last week actually- about conscious decisions and how we really need to think about what is important. http://wahbalance.com/458/conscious-decisions-a-vital-part-of-your-business-success/
There is no easy answer but you are doing great Lynn and I personally like to read about what you do and think in regards to this.
For me it is a daily battle as well, but I make sure my heart is happy and I have no guilt nagging me. Focusing on what is important now and the coming hour/day/week can help a lot.
What is important and how will the choices I make today affect the rest of my life?
Oh my God Lynn - I just watched the Ted Talk that Debi referenced above. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=player_embedded
I had tears when I read your original post and now again after watching the video. I too am on this journey of figuring it all out (I thought it was just menopause!) I feel like Brene Brown just analyzed me (and I'm pretty sure - you too!). She nailed it on the head for me and what a light bulb moment. She is right - she is brilliant and you must go watch that video!!! I have to go watch it a couple of more times because it was so deep and so right.
As I read through all these posts I thought I knew what I was going to write based on my life experiences but I would have had it all wrong. So glad I watched that TED Talk. I so get it now. Thank you for starting this conversation - now I really have some work to do! (Not referring to IM) Good luck to you on this wonderful journey we are all on together!!! I love all the Ted Talks but somehow I missed this one - thank you Debi!!!
I'm extremely lucky that I found the passion for what I do at a relatively young age. I'm in college still, so I get a lot of help from student loans. I choose to sacrifice free time that could be spent doing "college" things like hanging out with friends, going to parties, playing video games, etc, to hone my SEO and web development skills. I can't imagine how scary it must be for someone actually doing online marketing as a job full time on their own. I'm hoping that my portfolio and resume is good enough by the time I graduate that I'll be able to get a job in the event my current company doesn't work out. Best wishs!
Hi Lynn!
What a thought provoking post! As I look back over my life and consider that I am in late autumn of my life, I don't think we ever get it all figured out. Some things are clear --in other ways we see through a glass darkly so to speak. My adult kids and their problems (and misbehavior in teenage years) took a real toll on me. Still, I never completely give up--Mostly I am a cheerful person with an optomistic outlook, but occasionally despair has knocked at my door. No one is perfect--no relationship, no job,no church-- no anything because we live in a fallen world. I do think that community and social (family and friend) relationships are most important in seeking contentment and happiness. I do love to feel happy, but happiness is a transient emotion--it never lasts--ever! Joy is of another dimension and does not always mean we feel happy, if that makes sense. I am not particularly "happy" currently. My job is draining me, I have financial stresses which seem unsurmountable, and my church has not been a sanctuary due to unrest there. Still I make time for my grandkids, taking my grandson to Barnes & Noble because he loves it, baking with my grandaughter, caring for the grandbabies too. It is exhausting, but it is what I feel is most important in my life, so it IS a source of JOY even though I'm weary and other parts of my life seem to be falling apart. Going to see The King's Speech and eating out at a fancy restaurant afterwards wasn't really in my budget, but I went anyway because I needed that time to recharge. So I think you are on track with actively seeking happiness and contentment and JOY!
Lynn -
Obviously you've struck another chord with folks. Happiness is so hard to find because it's so poorly DE-fined.
You've got two of the major categories nailed. That's excellent. I'd say most people don't have that many. My Dad, whom I love and respect dearly, said all kinds of things to me that really gave me some twisted ideas, like: "There's no better way to kill time than work it to death." Consequently, I have a really hard time relaxing. When I do it consciously, it comes. And practice makes it easier.
But my dad also said a couple of other things that I'm finding are incredibly smart about two of your categories:
1) Money: "When poverty comes in the door, love goes out the window..." Pretty cynical, but it's pretty much true too. Money is the number one problem in most marriages according to studies. Having a good stable income is important. Being self employed doesn't always lend to stability for many folks.
2) Relationships (specifically marriage, but it applies to friendships as well) in the social category: "Marriage is an 80/20 proposition. BOTH partners have to give 80..." Man, is that ever true. I've been married 3 times. The third - Charlsa - is fantastic. One and two were pretty good too, but I couldn't give 50 percent let alone think of the other person MOST of the time. I'm not very good with friends. I don't have a lot of really close friends. And it's because I don't do the 80. I do the 20. But I know it and I'm getting better all the time.
One category that seems to be blatantly missing to me is "Spiritual". I don't mean church, or religion, or dogma, or anything that imposes an exclusionary view of the world. Spiritual to me is understanding our place in the Universe and our power to align with it, no matter what your religious beliefs are.
But the reason I bring it up is that none of the five the author listed gets better for me until I spend the time and effort to investigate that side of my life.
I know you do this already.
It's been the biggest improvement in my own "happiness" because it puts all five of those categories in perspective. Perspective, acceptance and joy are the keys to happiness in my mind.
Eckhert Tolle says in The New Earth that there are three types of doing in an awaken person:
1) Acceptance - you know you got to pay the electric bill today. It doesn't make you specifically happy, but you do it because you have to if you want electricity.
2) Enjoyment - you go hang out with a friend at the coffee shop or write this blog post above because you get great joy from it. You enjoy it.
3) Enthusiasm - you can't wait to go to the gym (that's my wife, not me - the gym is purely an acceptance activity for me, but she's really enthusiastic about working out.)
This was a great post. It helped me look at the categories that I need to improve. Thanks for your great service to us readers again...
David's post makes me think of how much he has helped others with NAMS. At a recovery center where I co-facillitate an equine experiential program I was told this story: When Bill W, founder of AA, went to talk to a man who was an alcoholic, the man said, "You cannot help me." Bill W replied, "I did not come here to help you. I came here to help me. You see, when I talk to someone about my story, it helps me keep from wanting a drink."
So helping others is a way to happiness, whether one knows it or not. Maybe you and David need to recognize just how much you both do help others . Sometimes it is OK to just be you and savor the day.
Hey Lynn,
Been thinking a little about this myself. Just finished watching a video from TED : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXM7MpoVAD0 where the guy talks about work life balance.
Still haven't quite figured it out but I think to be happy you need to hit all areas of your life... family, health, spiritual, etc. at least every couple of weeks.
No doubt something for discussion when I see you in Melbourne.
Dave
Freedom and Choices is what its all about, but you have to make sure they balance out. You need enough money to pay the bills, health to do the things you want and make goals to get the things you would like to have and go after them enthusiastically, enjoy life and have fun.
Find something you are fond doing, go out and have fun with your friends.
"The business of life is to live and to live well, adequately and abundantly. But this age knows almost everything about life except how to live it. It is not enough to know about life - we must know HOW to live life. We can pick life to pieces and explain its constituent parts and then fail miserably to put it together again in such a way that it becomes a coordinated, a harmonious whole. We have picked the flower of life to pieces, petal by petal, and have lost its beauty in the procedure. We have handed the body over to the doctor, the mind to the psychiatrist, and the soul to the minister, treating these three parts as separate entities. They are not separate. Life is a whole. You cannot affect one part without affecting all three."
~Abundant Living by E. Stanley Jones, written in 1922
We're all struggling. Trust me. But happiness is only achievable on a short term, you can't make it stick. That's where the well-being enters the stage to fill in the gaps.
Hello Lynn, what if your business was all about the things and people that you value most in and for your life? That has been a challenge for me, but I think it is the only way to be fulfilled. Look at how many people you are touching with your business, can you relate to them in a deeper way? The division between career and personal life never worked for me; in the end, career always asked more than I was willing to give. Now people have become my "career," and I know that the finances will follow.
Sincerely
Kai
Well, the way I feel about balance and being happy, etc. is that it all falls back to physical health.
I know first-hand how much ill health can affect Everything. You cannot make money, have goals, live a fulfilling life with family and friends, etc. etc. without the physical health that it takes to do things.
I would love to be able to do normal everyday activities again, including ramping up the work on all of my websites, but vertigo sometimes keeps me from doing the simplest tasks. Making money, having fun, feeling any kind of balance in life all takes a back seat when I'm flat on my back with a dizzy spell.
At 37 years old and after 3 years of my life wasted to not feeling good, I say to all of you that have good enough health to at least drive, exercise, work......make the most of it and never take it for granted.
"(or in this case, chew it like a bad steak)"
Just wanted to give kudos for this line. Great!
As for the topic at hand, it's certainly one of the biggest ones to tackle. For my money, happiness comes when I have enough strength, support and love in my life to handle problems as they come along without totally giving up. I've been close to giving up before, and as long as I keep on going, then I know I'm doing okay. Life is only lived once, so that's what helps me to keep moving forward.
Well, I think different people have different approaches to what they think happiness' is. To me more specific. There are very many things one needs to take into account when it comes to an online business. Unlike a world where there are only a few thousand or hundred thousand people you need to compare with (especially in towns) - looking for a job migh not be that difficult.
You cannot compare the offline success with that of the internet.
The thing is most people aren't mentally fit and ready to commit theirselves to the mountains of competition.
That is the very failing point right there! People don't see themselves succeeding one bit. They feel frustrated.
And I think for those individuals being happy or not happy have effect right on the spot.
"We're so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it's all about." ~Joseph Campbell
Hi Lynn,
This blog post could be the inspiration for an entire book. You ask "is happiness possible?" It's a great question, but how deep do you want to go? There are literally hundreds of "experts" with various systems claiming to help people be "happy" (including Tony Robbins, etc.) and I've never found one of them that is truly happy.
Happiness is your natural state of being, like when you were a baby. The only way to experience it is to peel away and let go of all the projections and assumptions you have built up around "happiness" as a concept. This is too challenging and confronting for most people, so we superimpose a FAKE HAPPINESS over it, in the form of positive thinking, goal setting etc., most of which is focused deeeeeply in the external world.
Even this guy's take on "happiness" puts you completely dependent on external factors. Community, family, career, etc. This is what I'd call "reasonable happiness", and it's empty. Like you said, it stands to reason that having money should make you happy, but it don't.
Unreasonable happiness is real happiness, an experience that goes beyond what your career, family, etc. is. It involves being deeply present and having a deeper understanding of who you really are, which is beyond all of these external things.
This doesn't have to be a far out concept, it can be experience in meditation, which is simply listening to all the thoughts, endless desires, and beliefs that go on in your mind. When the chatter subsides, or if you plow through the suffering you've created for yourself, you may be surprised by a feeling that is familiar but long forgotten, a radiant true happiness that needs no reason to exist.
Warning: this kind of true happiness can actually piss people off, and be threatening to the other part of you that is used to being miserable.
You'd be a great person to discuss this because you've achieved the main illusion most people still believe: that money really does bring happiness. I've never had wealth so I still struggled with that illusion myself. We should write a book!
Seth
Lynn,
This is a great post that really makes me think about balancing both my social life and business. Managing the number of websites I do is really taking a toll on how much time I'm spending with family and friends. This inspired me to go through a reevaluation of how I view happiness.
Its not just about being happy, its about being confident, being well and providing our best to each and every sphere of our life. We all know that with happiness, our productivity increases.