Following the recent gender debate talk, one of my readers recommended a book to me titled "What Men Don't Tell Women About Business: Opening Up the Heavily Guarded Alpha Male Playbook" by Christopher Flett.
Interesting title of course, so I just had to look it up on Amazon.com to check out the reviews. The reviews are mixed, but still mainly positive so I decided to add it to my cart.
Here is an overview of what you can expect from the book...
- Know what the average Alpha Male is thinking
- Learn 10 things you need to know about men in business
- Force men to take you seriously
- Stop self-sabotage with male colleagues
- Get all the credit you deserve
- Be more confident and effective
- Learn to take charge and lead
- Never make excuses for failures
- Keep secrets-it's vital
- Never bring personal issues to the office
- Gain credibility and trust with Alphas
- Never look for affirmation openly
- Effectively deal with condescending or disrespectful men
- Understand why being "nice" gets you nowhere
I also took a look at the related titles (which I always do) and was surprised to find so many. I added a couple of them to my cart as well:
Seducing the Boys Club by Nina Disesa
Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman: What Men Know About Success that Women Need to Learn by Gail Evans
I'll be honest and say that I am more interested in reading the originally recommended book (What Men Don't Tell Women About Business) as it is written by a man, whereas the other two are written by women. Heh- talk about sexism, right? 😛 But really, its all about perspective and I am more interested in hearing the male side of this topic at the moment. All said and done, the 3 books should provide a good mix of references.
Now before anyone goes and gets their feathers ruffled about my choice in reading material, let me just say that I am more curious in the topic - and the source of the debate in general - than I am in "breaking into the boys club".
I think I was very clear about my position on this topic in my original post titled The Great IM Gender Debate. I simply dont believe there is a "glass ceiling" for women in our industry. If anything, working online opens up more doors and presents more opportunities (for everyone) than any other career.
In fact, in last week's podcast on Internet Marketing This Week, I suggested that there are probably more women successfully making a living online than there are men. Of course, that's not what the gender debate is about. It's about the Internet Marketing niche specifically, and the fact that it is a male dominated industry. The argument being that it is a closed-door group that doesnt "invite" women. I disagree. Strongly, even.
I happen to be a successful female Internet Marketer, so I think that my opinion and experience carry substantial weight in this argument. I'm not a wannabe. I ammabe. And I can tell you firsthand that I have never been held back, uninvited or otherwise treated like an underling.
I also dont seek undeserved recognition.
I'll tell you the big secret to breaking into the "inner circle" of Internet Marketing, if you really want to know. It's simple really. And it actually applies to everyone - men and women alike.
The secret is this: Do something great. Make a splash. Turn their heads. You cant tell someone you're a top marketer. You cant convince them - through any amount of whining, bitching, demanding, jumping up and down and waving your arms, etc - you have to show them.
And really, it makes no difference what niche you're in or which inner circle you're referring to. It makes no difference what gender or race you are. The same principle applies.
When it comes to Internet Marketing it's all about showing up on affiliate leaderboards, achieving consistent top rankings, building a huge list, having a strong voice, or bringing any type of asset like that to the table.
When a group considers inviting you into their inner circle, they look at two things: What can you offer, and do they like you. It's as simple as that.
Back to the topic though - before another flame war breaks out here - I've just placed my order on Amazon.com and look forward to sitting down to give them each an objective review. Here are the links again if you'd like to check them out for yourself:
I look forward to seeing what 'strategies' each of the authors suggest. Though I'll admit that I dont like the idea of using any kind of devious strategy, or manipulating your way in the door. I'm most interested to see if the books address basic mindset, and to learn how different people feel about the topic in general.
As I mentioned in my original post, I am only as open-minded as I am educated about any given topic. This particular topic being such a hot one in our industry lately, I thought it might be wise to study up 😉
Best,
About Lynn Terry
Thanks for bring up this great topic once again Lynn. Just the other day I posted a tweet that read, "I learn the most from women on the web. Am I the only male that thinks women online marketers are the best?"
There have definitely been some great male mentors and marketers that I have learned from over the years, but in all honesty I have learned the most from women.
Lynn you are right up there in my top marketers that I follow and I've learned a great deal from you and find that your blog is one of the greatest resources on the web.
Maybe it's because of the fact that I love social media so much and that I'm into relationship building that I find women provide me with the best marketing advice.
I would rather see women continue to play like women and win like women. I'm curious as to what the book above would recommend to do in order to play like a man, but I think that would take away from the gifts that you already have to offer.
Ladies... please do not play like a man. I like the way you play right now.
You make a great point Lynn about making a splash. Be yourself, don't try to be someone else. Make your splash by being the best that you can be.
Keep rockin it ladies!
Scott Tousignant
http://www.Twitter.com/FatLossQuickie
Interesting book choices. While it would be nice to have some of the IM courses and membership sites run by or taught by women, I do agree that there are probably tons of successful women in IM out there. They are just working quietly. Maybe the greater question is why they do not feel the need to offer courses or teach, etc?
Not that you are not teaching here Lynn 😉
Just to add to the mix, one of my friends wrote a book that's on Amazon called Testosterone Free Marketing that's within this same genre.
I too am surprised to see you bring this up yet again. From your conversation on Twitter a bit ago you seemed to conclude that this problem does not exist and women who think it does simply have no talent.
That this topic is coming up in IM intrigues me - as I 'heard' (as opposed to saw) it a lot in my Corporate days.
So it suggests to me, that whatever the environment, real world, cyber world, committees, communities etc...there is the possibility and probability that this topic may surface.
I guess for myself, I don't see a problem and therefore I don't experience a problem.
I never had a problem back in my corporate days and achieved what many term as success in that environment (though I grew to dislike that world - so feel more successful on a holistic basis now).
I don't have a problem in IM.
I'd dare to suggest that it's because I love men for being men. I love women for being women.
I think both genders have some awesome strengths, just as individuals of any gender mix do.
And that's what I focus on, finding the right mix of strengths for the task involved. And that's where I'll also put my hat into the ring in reverse.
Where I have seen women go wrong in the business world is when they try to 'take on men', have a scarcity (aka glass ceiling) mindset and/or if not take on the boys, try to be one of them.
And if I was ever to come across any man or men that have 'gender issues' regarding the opposite sex, I get on with what I have chosen to do...as their issues are theirs, so it's not a good use of my energy or time to engage.
And funnily - this approach works for me 🙂
I'll be interested too to hear what sort of angles the books take too Lynn.
Caro 🙂
After being in IT for *cough* 20 + *cough* years I know what it's like to be in a male dominated industry. Not that I have cared too much about glass ceilings and the such, because I steer my own ship and find that corporate bureaucracy rather than "men" is the biggest barrier to ANYTHING happening.
Shannon interesting you should say where are the women teaching. Myself and my two business partners Lisa Hartwell and Barb Sabathil are in the process of rolling out a course BY WOMEN for WOMEN.
This is not aimed at being sexist, this is aimed at creating a closed environment where female collaboration, masterminding and practical application will take place. We are taking this approach to allow women to spread their wings when they are confident they have the foundations in place, developed a network and can talk shop.
(Men will have the opportunity to buy the hard copy course material so they won't miss out.)
The gender debate is a chestnut that will always be one that is grist for the mill. A no-win situation but with no real losers as we all have the same money to go after, just we do it in different ways.
I am pretty sure if I had the cash to buy into Frank Kern's mastermind group, I too would be being promoted as one the "inner circle. 🙂
Now look at that, I just spent some money making time focused elsewhere.... naughty me!
Great post Lynn - goes along with our phone conversation along the same lines.
I've not experienced any issues, bias or discrimination. Period.
I love this space and I love learning from both genders...I think women are doing great stuff as are men.
Women just might be more stealth, haha.
I have 2 of these on my bookshelf and ordering the first now - for the same reason...would love the male perspective.
Thanks Lynn for a great discussion - AGAIN!
Carrie Wilkerson
The Barefoot Executive
http://BarefootExecutiveOnline.com
Thank you Scott 😀
You make a great point about women being women. I think that if women begin to "play like a man" it defeats the purpose of wanting women in the spotlight. Right? Maybe, maybe not.
Personally, like most women, I like where I am in my career. I wouldnt trade the relationship I have with my readers or the fulfillment I get from what I do for a "million dollar payday" for anything.
That's not to say that I dont want to make more money, create bigger products, become more efficient, reach more people, and even speak when I have the desire to. And I will. I just dont see it as the marker for success. I was actually successful at Internet Marketing for many years before most of these "boys" even entered the scene 😉
I will say this - if you think there is an elite inner circle behind the scenes in the IM niche... you're right. If you think it was created by and is run by a relatively small group of men... you're right again. But if you think they did that to shut women out, or that they have a closed door policy - you're wrong.
In fact, I'm flying to vegas in a few days to join them, on a personal invite no less, for http://www.innermastermind.com
And I didnt get invited because I'm a woman. I got invited because I am a top JV Partner for one of the hosts. I'm sure it helps that I traveled to events and we had opportunity to meet in person.
I have already received a handful of messages from some of the men that will be there, looking forward to the chance to finally meet in person.
I am not walking into this event with an outsider attitude either. These marketers know me, and I them. I'm walking in knowing that everyone there brings something of incredible value to the table, and will be carefully considering the opportunities.
The gender card comes into play, sure. I know each of them well enough to know their strengths, and I am well aware of my weaknesses. It will be an opportunity for me to choose alliances that will complement my goals.
Hi Shannon. As you mentioned in your 2nd comment, I am teaching here. I have products that sell every day, I post free tutorials here at ClickNewz, I put out informative newsletters via email, I host 3-5 hours a week of online seminars/webinars. I have devoted my life & career to helping others work online successfully - and I have made a huge impact on thousands of people along the way.
Just because I dont put out a $1,000 product, or travel the seminar circuit to hit every stage with my voice, doesnt make me any less of a successful teacher or marketer in this industry.
My work has not gone unrecognized. Every "guru" you know has offered me complimentary access to their products in hopes that I will review & promote for them. My track record speaks for itself.
I think the main problem in this whole debate is the way people define "successful internet marketer".
If you want products from women, they're out there. If you want to hear women speak, they are speaking. But being selective based on gender alone is sexist... too. That would be silly - when the main objective should be to get the information you need, from the person who can teach it to you best.
Question: Do you take me less seriously when I speak online via webinar for 60-90 minutes, than you would if I threw on my high heels and did it from a stage in Las Vegas?
Is my information any less helpful to you in that format?
Would you actually spend a minimum of $1,000 to hear me speak somewhere, or do you prefer to listen online at your convenience where you can get links & hands-on resources on your screen while I speak?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I think I may have been misunderstood, or didnt get my points across properly 🙂
Lynn you couldn't have said it any better "The main objective should be to get the information you need, from the person who can teach it to you best."
To answer your question, I take you 100% seriously with the format that you are currently using and would rather you keep it that way. Although I would be willing to pay $1,000 to spend a few days with you in a small group hands on workshop occasionally.
I know very few people that deliver the amount and the quality of content that you do on a weekly basis.
During your webinar on Friday I picked up on 3 amazing strategies that I have already begun to implement. Every time that you write something or speak something, I learn something new.
I can't thank you enough for the approach that you have chosen to take with your business and the effort that you put into it.
Keep it real and be true to yourself. You don't have to speak on the internet stage circuit in order to be successful. Plus you would end up just being like everyone else.
You ROCK Lynn!
Scott Tousignant
http://www.Twitter.com/FatLossQuickie
Lynn,
YOU are the E.F. Hutton of IM as far as I'm concerned--when you speak, I join hundreds...thousands...of others who LISTEN! You're credible, believable and ACCESSIBLE; perhaps that sets you apart from others. You don't position yourself as someone "better than" everyone else; you come across as a coach, encouraging others to find their way in the genre, providing them valuable tools to achieve success.
I'm not in a position to pay large (or even SMALL) sums of money to learn this; that you offer it FREE stuns me (and says a lot about your character). I'm grateful for what you offer. I consider you a teacher, a mentor, a friend. Yes, it would be a thrill to see you on stage, but only because of my experience with you outside that arena. I don't think LESS of you because of how you choose to convey your knowledge, I think more highly!
I'm too new to understand this "Boys Club" mentality (with regard to IM); to have seen closed doors. I strongly agree though--focus on YOUR strengths, YOUR singular voice, what YOU can offer (or I 🙂 ), not what THEY have done or not done.
Thank you for modeling "good community" and generosity; many could learn from your example.
I guess I'm a little ambivalent about whether I learn from, work with or work for a woman or man. Same with race or anything else the categorizes someone. I was taught that all types of people have something to contribute. I think having access to unique perspectives is a tactical advantage. So, if you're male, female, white, black, green, american, jamaican, whatever, it's not important as long as the info is useful, entertaining, thought-provoking, sustaining...
As for your question about would I prefer your teleconferences to seeing you at a marketing summit, I'd like to do both. The weekly teleseminars are something I look forward to and frequently get ideas from. I imagine you'd deliver big-time from the stage, as well.
The weekly teleconference and forum support position you as a leader in the field and validate you as a keynote speaker or seminar leader (or author).
Keep up the good work!
-- Kurt Scholle
Lynn, your use of new media is commendable. I can hardly imagine that you'd extend your reach by speaking more often.
Take you seriously??
Always have. Always will.
Your question is very interesting Lynn:
I think both have advantages (I don't see any disadvantages)...being able to be a part of your community has been unbelievably valuable to me...I sit there frantically scribbling away while you're talking and bookmarking like a fiend (no easy feat with my dominant hand in a cast at the moment!) I am an "eager learner" (hate the word newbie) when it comes to IM (having only really gotten serious about it in the last year) and I love that I can sit there in my jammies or my sweaty workout clothes and learn from you. Now with that being said, would I absolutely love the chance to sit down with you in person, pick your brain and learn how to maximize my offline skills and experience in IM; you bet I would and would gladly pay for the privilege because you are an expert in your field...it's no different than me paying $1,000 to take a college course to learn something new. So I don't know if I answered your ? other than to say that I deeply value the information that you have to share:)
I really can't express my gratitude to you other than to say that I would gladly give YOU $1,000 precisely because of what you offer so freely:)...hoping that makes sense!
In gratitude,
Danielle
Well, the high heels wouldn't hurt! Hey, someone had to say it! LOL
Beyond that, I think some folks are taking this gender thing a bit too far, and I'm one who wrote to Lynn on a previous post saying it was important for her to at least acknowledge her place in the mix. She does a great service all around, but a truth is that there are a lot of women following her, and there's even one of the morning weekly events that's for WAHM, although men can participate (which I have). So, it makes sense that she would help highlight books specifically geared towards women and marketing, since there's so many other books out there by men. I'm just glad that Lynn has provided a great source for information, and everyone else should be also.
Thank you all - your feedback on this topic is invaluable! There will definitely be more opportunities for 'face to face' at events & meetups in the near future. I've really enjoyed doing more of that this year!
Mitch - the 4 part series I am doing for the BlissDom group is a follow-up after being keynote speaker at their event. I offered to do the free follow-up because I felt they could really benefit from the ongoing help with monetizing their blogs.
Truth be known, I would have done that for any group I spoke for that would benefit from such follow-up. They just happened to be all women. And as you mentioned, I didnt exclude men from attending the live series.
You're right that there are a lot of women that make up my readership, but without doing a formal survey I would venture to guess it is near 50/50 as far as the male/female ratio with my overall readership.
I like it that way. My goal is to help anyone that would like to start and run a successful online business. Period. I want to help change lives, like my own was changed.
My point being that I'll host a series or create a follow-up strategy for basically any group I get involved with where I see a need. Or even for one man or one woman, given that opportunity.
p.s. I do wear heels & lipstick, and if you ever run into me at an event or meet-up you'll see that for yourself 😉
Just wanted to chime in here, Lynn, maybe a bit OT.
To me two things that the “new†Social Marketing/Web 2.0 thing is about is (1)being who you are and (2)another is connecting with others.
Now this isn’t really new. People have done it for centuries in small villages and towns, but it is new in the essence that now with the Internet we can do it globally. It’s an amazing technology.
Both of these characteristics are part of your style, Lynn. You are who you are and you connect with others. I like your style. Don't change a thing. You are consistently there and consistently helping people.
IMHO I think most people are a bit tired of the big "IM guru" launches (plus the ego and bragging that go with them.)
You, Lynn are a real "guru" ("a teacher and especially intellectual guide in matters of fundamental concern"). You connect and point people toward success and I doubt any "IM guru" has the loyalty of followers you do. (Why do you think they keep contacting you and inviting you as a guest? *hello?* They want to pick YOUR brain. They are courting YOUR favor. They recognize you as a growing, and influential source. But they can never be YOU and YOU are the key to your success.)
Don’t lose yourself. Those big “IM gurus†need YOU more than you need them. There will always be another “IM guru,†but Lynn Terry is very unique.
Your following is steadily growing organically. You don't need the flashy stuff that we see from the "IM gurus" whose following has a high attrition rate.
Keep on being YOU, Lynn. Like I said awhile ago:
“Follow Lynn,
You will win!â€
Just my three cents-LOL.
Live joyfully~
Janis
I'm jumping in here rather late as well.
Maybe it's just because I'm an aging Buddhist, but what is all this gender stuff, anyway? Human beings are human beings. We're all part of the same thing -- we are connected, whether we like to believe it or not. All these "differences" we see are truly illusionary in the long run.
We just went through an election cycle here in the USA. During the primary it turned into a big to-do about not only gender, but race as well. Then in the general election it went into a race issue.
It doesn't really matter what our skin color is or whether we wear high heels or Birkenstocks.
As far as IM is concerned, I'm not truly an Internet Marketer. Yet, I've been learning from Lynn Terry since before she was as well-known as she is today. I'm learning so much about how to integrate Social Networking into my niches, from not only Lynn, but also from two wonderful women from the UK and 4 great men who, like these women, are wonderful teachers.
Would I pay $1,000 to learn from you, Lynn? -- not any more. I can't do seminars these days. I hope you understand, though, how much your teaching has meant over the years. You have taught me some invaluable lessons and I am deeply grateful.
Be in Peace ....
Lynn,
I think there is still a big difference in certain careers' or organizations' responses to women in their groups. (Deborah Tannen is another author I have enjoyed reading who discusses gender in the workplace, as well as in other social settings.)
However, one of the benefits of the internet is to level the playing field because the thoughts / writing / work of the individual takes center stage (in some instances may be the only information that's known).
I don't think you should do things any differently than you have been. I am very impressed with your postings and webinars.
Thank you for all your hard work,
Shonda
You mean you're not always wearing the blue sweater? I'll be there! lol
Sounds like Christopher Flett is really working hard to promote his book. I got an email and two comments on my blog pointing out his book, as well. In fact, the same person (a woman called Bihter) just wrote me again today and asked me to interview him . . . though I don`t interview men on my blog. Not bad publicity, I`d say. 😉
Hey all,
I've followed all of the "gender debate" discussions with great interest since one of my research areas is gender (I'm a sociologist at University of North Carolina at Pembroke and the co-coordinator of the interdisciplinary Gender Minor on our campus).
I have a couple of questions. Would anyone object to me using your comments (anonymously) in my research on this issue?
Second, if there are those of you who would be willing to answer some additional questions about your experience and perspective of gender on the internet, would you please send an email to my school address: rasby.powell@uncp.edu.
I am equally interested in how both men and women experience gender so please don't hesitate to reply if you are male :)) I'm a male friendly gender researcher (having had a great dad and two pretty remarkable sons, myself).
Also, if any of you have friends who might be willing to answer any questions, please send them my way.
For those of you who do not know this already, all research is guided by an internal review board that checks for ethical use of data and to make sure that we guarantee complete confidentiality and anonymity to our subjects (that would include the name of this website as a source of data if any of you are O.K. with me using your words).
Rasby Powell
Professor of Sociology
Co-coordinator of Gender Minor
http://www.uncp.edu
Thank you all for your input & kind words. I find this to be a particularly interesting topic, for a number of reasons.
Rasby- you are welcome to use my comments here on ClickNewz, and to mention the source as well. As for reader comments, you'll need to get individual permission from those you'd like to use.
Hi Lynn,
I don't have a lot to say about gender bias in IM, but I do have a post (few points I jotted a while ago) about you & clicknewz.
http://smartadvise.info/internet-marketing-mentor/
You are awesome and you will always be. I love your webinars, (pbly coz of small close-knit group attendees) but 'd love the opportunity to attend a live event.
Hi Lynn,
I am really excited to read your post about the book, and I also enjoyed to read the comments on that post.
I've been doing some additional research on the author, Chris Flett. His company is "GhostCEO" (www.GhostCEO.com) and his book is a bestseller. I found it on Amazon here. Anyway, he was in the NY Times last Sunday under the "Career Couch" and he makes reference to women's blogs like yours so I thought you might like to connect. I'd like to see you interview him and see what he's all about. I saw on another blog he was a guest blogger. His email is: chris@ghostceo.com
Best wishes,
Bihter.
I absolutely take you seriously Lynn, otherwise I would not be reading here, following you on Twitter, and consider you a friend 🙂
By my comments I mean that I can think of no women that launch products in the $297 and up range, none that charge hundreds of dollars a month for membership sites, etc.
Personally the debate does not matter to me. While I like to see successful women and look up to them, I don't want them to be successful for bragging rights.
Oh and I can absolutely attest that Lynn wears makeup to conferences 😉
LOL Shannon - we really should do Vegas all over again! Let me know if you plan to attend any events - maybe we can room together again. Fun!
@Shri - what an incredible post! I just left you a comment there 😀
Thank you Lynn for this great choice , It's very exited especially because there are much more things do men never tell women about (Not only the business ) !!!
It's very exited especially because there are much more things do men never tell women about (Not only the business ) !!!
I think women are no longer girlish in their jobs. They are able to have the male perspectives and are really doing good. They can do equally well or even overtake men at times.
One example: i recently checked out a site called gender analyzer which when the link of a blog is given, tells whether the blogger is male or female with some AI techniques. Tried this blog and it says the blogger is male!
Ha! 😆 too funny!
@Lynn,
Thank you for the comment on my blog :).
It was one of the easiest posts I've ever written as all the points are heartfelt and I didn't have to think much. I'm sure everyone who knows you can relate to all of the opinions I jotted 🙂
Hi Lynn,
Thanks for mentioning the book. I look forward to your comments. It strikes a cord with a lot of people and I'm pleased to see the openness to the message rather than pre-judgement. It isn't about women becoming men. Rather women understanding the things men talk about when they aren't in the room. Positive blog and great information here.
Best,
Chris.