"There's a big difference between not being able to do something,
and not being willing to do it."
For the last few months I've been having this conversation over and over with myself. I look back at everything I've accomplished so far in my life, and then I look at this one set of things and have to wonder what in the world is holding me back from experiencing the same success in those areas.
I know - you thought it all came easy for me, right? The truth is my life is pretty easy. But easy is relative. I push myself hard. And my life is only "easy" because of what I invested to make it that way.
Anytime I want more out of life, or want to achieve something new or different, I struggle with the same human shortcomings as everyone else: procrastination, lack of motivation, sometimes even a lack of self confidence.
We're not so different when it comes to setting and achieving goals. I wake up every day and put my pants on one leg at a time just like you. I get served 24 hours in every day like you and everyone else on the planet...
What's Holding US Back?
I always find it interesting to hear people say they can't work from home, or that Internet Marketing doesn't work. Especially since I've been doing it (successfully) for more than a decade.
I also find it interesting when I hear stories of long-term smokers quitting cold turkey. Like a friend of mine, who will remain unnamed, that smoked up to 4 packs a day. Then woke up one day and just quit. I find that especially interesting because I smoke, and I'd like to quit smoking.
What's the difference between the two situations? One of those things I did, the other I have not done. I could give you a million reasons excuses. But it boils down to just that: I have not done it.
After everything I have achieved in my life, some of it I remember thinking it seemed impossible even, I know firsthand that I can do anything that I set my mind to. Anything that I really want to do. I just have to decide to do it, figure out how to do it, and then... do it.
Easier Said Than Done.
If it's really that simple, then why in the world is it so difficult ?!
I decided I was going to need some outside help. After two years of thinking how nice it would be to achieve this certain set of goals, but not getting anywhere at all on any of them, I knew it was going to require something more.
I started by talking to people who were doing the things I wanted to be doing myself. I talked to people online. I talked to people offline. I asked very specific questions, and I asked for personal recommendations. That was a huge step in the right direction - I got answers, and I found inspiration and motivation.
Next I looked at who I might need to hire, for what, and why. I sat down and brainstormed each of the elements I knew I was never going to get done on my own, and separated those from the elements that needed to be done by me personally. And I started preparing to outsource.
And right in the middle of this process, actually at the very point that I started getting that familiar feeling of hesitation, I ran across an interesting book by Dave Navarro titled What's Holding YOU Back?
For $27, I figured it couldn't hurt to see if maybe it held some answers for me.
And BINGO. The first 2 sections alone spoke right to me!
I have to tell you- the night before I started reading the What's Holding You Back? guide, I was completely overwhelmed, and mentally exhausted. Just thinking about my goals made me cringe at the amount of work and personal investment it was going to take to achieve them.
Ever felt that way? I call it "stuck" and it's an incredibly frustrating place to be. That's when I know I need outside help. And why finding this guide at that exact moment was a real save.
By the way this is not just a book or guide, it also contains workbook and personal journal pages in each section which coordinate with each of the 7 issues addressed in the book. The goal isn't just to learn what's holding you back, it's to overcome it - to get past your specific obstacles.
Dave says you're in one of 3 places:
- Your life is going incredibly well and you're just looking for a way to push yourself to the next level of success.
- Your life is going okay, but there are a few areas you've had trouble pushing past your own limitations.
- Your life is nowhere near where you'd hoped it would be by now, and you want some serious help!
I definitely saw myself in that list. Did you? It doesn't really matter where we are right now. We're basically all in the same boat. We want to do more, be more, achieve more, grow more, make more money, improve our life. We want. Period.
Wanting - that's everyone. Then there are the people that DO. Those that make it happen. That's who I want to be. And I'm assuming that's the kind of person you want to be too. Of course, it's always easier to sit around and want something than it is to go out and get it. That's the same for me, you, and everyone else.
Digging in...
What's Holding YOU Back? is 170 pages, PDF format (which I printed and put in a 3-ring binder), and it covers the 7 "success killers" that everyone struggles with. After each of the 7 sections, there are worksheets to help you work through that particular issue.
When I got to the workbook section of the first chapter, I was tempted to skip the exercise and just keep reading. But I didn't. And I discovered FOUR things I have been seriously holding myself back on for the last 2 years. Four things that could make a dramatic difference in my life. And I discovered why.
It also occurred to me that all the success stories, recommendations, and hired help in the world were not going to get me over my own hurdles with certain things. My success with this particular set of goals was definitely going to require 1) a complete change of mindset, and 2) a better plan of action.
"Too many people believe that success depends on having a lot of talent in a particular area. They see people who are winners in any field - and believe that whatever talent took them there, they were "born with it".
In reality, "talent" is simply another word for a skill that took a great deal of practice to develop. Things that most people think are out of the league because they don't have the "talent" for it are actually well within their reach, if they put the time and effort into developing them." Page 7
The point is that we can do anything we want to do. We can achieve anything we set our mind to in this life. Others have done it, and we watch them with envy - and with our own set of excuses about why they can do it, and we cannot.
This guide works you through all of that, and helps you lay out a strategic workable plan of action. It gets you past every reason you can't, every "stuck" phase, and helps you put all of the pieces in place to achieve exactly what you want to achieve.
If you're stuck right now, or you're struggling to make things happen in your life or business, I highly recommend you dig in and do these exercises with me. We could all use a little boost now and then, especially when you're at the point of losing your grip on the very things you want most out of life.
Are you ready to start making serious positive change, and move much closer to your goals than you've been able to before? Click here to get started!
Join me in the quest, grab your copy, and let's get busy making things happen 😉
Best,
p.s. Dave says "You're going to love it. Guaranteed." I agree. It was definitely worth my 27 bucks. Honestly, I would have paid a lot more to get unstuck, so I'm really glad I came across this gem when I did!
About Lynn Terry
Thank you, Thank you for this post. I've been struggling/fighting with this for quite awhile now. Everything you've said make sense and the book/exercises sounds like something I NEED to get asap.
On another note, I've seen a lot of discussion about the pros & cons of the The Secret (book and movie). Your paragraph:
"The point is that we can do anything we want to do. We can achieve anything we set our mind to in this life. Others have done it, and we watch them with envy – and with our own set of excuses about why they can do it, and we cannot. "
sums up exactly what the Secret is about. Change Your Mind and you can change your life. Easy to say, not always easy to do.
Thank you
I agree, definitely easier said than done. But doable nonetheless.
I'm not a raving fan of The Secret, but prefer the classic Think and Grow Rich. I do believe there is more to it than just mindset, but mindset is the starting point. After that it takes work, persistence, and consistent action towards specific goals...
Yes TAGR is the "Granddaddy" of self-help books. I'm in the process now of starting up on online Master Mind group based on Hill's classic.
Also, I've fallen in love with The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles (love the name too) published in 1910 and Prosperity Though Thought Force by Bruce MacLelland published in 1907. After reading both these I wonder if N. Hill ever read these as well.
You're right Lynn. There is more to it than just mindset. Mindset is very important and as you say it's a starting point. But there's an even bigger part that most people aren't aware of and it has to do with the resonance and frequency patterns, just like the Law of Attraction says.
As a Resonance Repatterning practitioner, I've learned that it's the frequency patterns that you resonate with on the unconscious level and the patterns you inherit from your family system that can truly sabotage your best efforts. This is why so many people experience a certain degree of success and then have difficulty moving to the next level.
Changing your mindset can take a lot of work. If you change your resonance with this unconscious conditioning and patterns, it's like adding an accelerant that burns through your resistance and you'll find your mindset naturally changes, too.
Oh, my, Lynn, good post to follow with action, inside and out! I love the personal responsibility theme that always runs through what you teach. It is refreshing and eye-opening to realize that we can change our mindset on most things easily. It can be that way even for those big 'sticking points'. These, though, take a lot more budging to come loose enough to change. I've fallen into the "take a pill to fix it" mentality at times by thinking I need some outside circumstance to change before I'm able to do things toward my most important goals.
When my daily routine includes tested methods to get through those blocks, I feel relief, I am more patient, and I can take small steps right now that build into progress over time.
I pay dearly when I don't make the effort to put a planned amount of introspection (which leads to focused action) into my day! Thanks for sharing your experience with this resource.
Best,
Mary
Late 2009 and all of 2010 has been a very reflective time for me as well as a time that's been dedicated toward following that path that provides me with the most joy and is in total alignment with my purpose and values.
Mindset has been an area of study for the past 15 years of my life beginning with Sports Psychology throughout my time studying in University.
I know this stuff inside and out, teach it to people, have mentors, accountability partners, and role models. Yet it always amazes me how I take incredible action on something that I already 'knew' when I read a book or go through a course on goal achievement and creating the life that you deserve. Sometimes it's all in how the author presents the information that you've already studied in the past, that can ignite a flame deep inside of you.
I remember a time when I didn't think that I had any limiting beliefs, but when I sat down and really thought about it and asked myself why I thought I hadn't achieved my goals, I answered with, "I just don't have the right connections. I'm not in that 'circle' of guru's. Friends and family keep sabotaging me with negative comments. I've failed before what's going to make this time any different?"
I filled several sheets of paper with limiting beliefs that (on the surface) I didn't realize I had. I had achieved great success in life, but there were still limiting beliefs that were holding me back from getting to the next level.
One big thing that was holding me back was that I hadn't been setting new bigger goals for myself. I had basically achieved what I thought I wanted.
By the way, mindset is sooooo much more than the "Law of Attraction". I totally love The Secret (got my copy back in 2006 and almost got a tattoo of the wax seal :D)and LOA, but there are many other things that come into play... such as action, persistence, perseverance, beliefs, attitude and much more.
Big goals and the Big plan for achieving those goals can seem overwhelming. But when you break it down into chunks and focus on the daily tasks to get you there makes things seem a lot more manageable.
If I set a goal to run across the country I would be scared to death. But if I broke it down into chunks and focused on my goal of getting across the city today... I can do that. Those actions just brought me closer to my bigger goal.
Lynn, you inspire the heck out of me. I'm so proud of you, all that you've accomplished, and all that you are about to accomplish. Thanks for helping people realize their dreams.
You ROCK!
Scott Tousignant
This is a interesting topic cause it is pretty uncomfortable for most people to talk about this. Most people just settle for "good enough". I started my own business this month and got tons of laughs for getting serious about internet marketing. Sure, I am not making that much money yet but I am sure it can be done.
I see my friends working their jobs and hating it. I just can't do it. I prefer putting myself in a risky situation like this and work from home than working the classic 40 hours a week for some dude I probably don't like.
The start might be rough but isn't everything hard when you start out...
Thanks for the interesting topic and the great review!
Interesting article Lynn. When it comes to running my businesses and spending quality time with my family I'm great. When it comes to my health I'm okay. I'm exercising now for 4-6 times a week and ate really healthy until about 2 weeks ago. After loosing 25 lbs I have gained 5 of it back already. I won't give up but there is some psychology to staying persistent with your goals. When I get to looking like I'm in great shape I reward myself with a double burger and fries and then I think, man that was good. Next day same thing! Then I have to take a good look at what I'm doing and start all over again. Persistence is the key to success in whatever area of life you are trying to improve, but the hard thing is, regardless of what all of the other "experts" say, you can't be it all. At least not all at once everyday of your life. There are too many areas we would all like to perfect we just have to pick one.
Good luck and stop smoking today!
Many people unknowingly find a great opportunity, and a great system, that WILL ultimately deliver success. They just quit B4 they become successful.
Some people quit before they even start. Some people start, but quit shortly thereafter. Some people start, and are headed in the right direction, but they quit before they see the results they are looking for. Some people start, head in the right direction, see results, but quit right on the verge of success.
I have done this myself, and quit at all 4 of these stages while pursuing different opportunities.
Successful people start, head in the right direction, see some results, keep going through the verge of success, then continue on through success.
My advice; pick an opportunity, and a system, that you have a passion for, one that you have witnessed other people succeed at, one that you truely believe in. Start, head the right direction, get some results, get to the verge of success, and continue right on through success.
Don't quit. If you quit, you have wasted all of that time, money, and effort. Also, we are creatures of habit. Quitting is one habit you don't want to develop. Otherwise, you will never be successful.
Good luck.
Matthew Zinda
"I want to be successful in my field" - this is the word I tell myself when I fail in something. I tell myself "what they do, that I can't; what they think that I can't; if they have some special ability then I must have something within me" and this really help me to overcome from a situation. Have some similar kind of book gifted by my friend where writer tells about so many great people, their problem and how they overcome those.
Hey Lynn, this is a truly wonderful, profound post! Like many of your recent posts/emails sharing what you've been going through inside of you this past year. Thank you so much for sharing yourself so candidly, and your reflections and reviews you've experienced. It's in the "honesty" and openness that we truly connect, cuts through the BS and veil of pretense, that makes the real connection with and between people.
And, of course, that's not to mention your valuable practical, informative blog posts about Internet Marketing, Affiliate Marketing, etc. you so freely continue to give great value to us.
I myself have been going through heaps of soul searching, reviewing, re-energizing my direction, trying to move to my next level...
I believe SUCCESS is achieved through "Mastery" of SELF - mastering those things in ourselves that get in the way and hold us back (which some other blog comments have touched on also)...
Persisting unwaveringly along the path of what we want to achieve... Taking focused inspired action (even if it's just small action steps each day)... Identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs Scott referred to... Keeping our motivation high, even when things get in the way... Staying focused and on track... Dealing with down days and setback periods... Making time for daily introspection Mary referred to... While all the time keeping clearly focused on the ultimate "Lifestyle Freedom" you talk about and have achieved Lynn...
LIFE is really a lifelong learning and growth process, so if we want to achieve our true best highest potential, we continue to pursue moving to our next level, and then our next level after that, and so on.
So, in some respects, we never get there, but that's OK, because the FUN is in the getting there, in the Journey, with great Success Achievement thresholds along the way... and potentially with no limit to what we can achieve, if we choose to set the bar to the next level.
Many times it's hugely enjoyable, many times it's painful... It's Life...
Thank you for being YOU Lynn, and for the great contribution you give to all of us so freely.
Lynn,
This is a great post at the perfect time. I am working on moving myself and my business to the next level and find myself spinning in circles. It's like being back at the beginning sometimes. 🙁 Looking forward to taking some action on this book to overcome some of these limitations!
The one thing that holds us back is common sense. The search engines are not spaceships floating around in the sky zapping websites that refuse to adhere to double standards. The problem is people who try to out smart them and teach multitudes to do the same. Search engines are designed to respond to fresh, unique content. Thousands of people try to short cut their way around the rules, all automated without the need for any creative thinking or effort whatsoever. People who don't want to read or write, don't want to interact, don't want to have to deal with anybody or anything, don't belong online. There's an old concept called education. We can educate ourselves or become morons; then a bunch of morons can educate our kids.
Lynn,
I just want to encourage you to stop smoking. I smoked for 42 years and quit a thousand times before I finally succeeded. I have been smoke free for 13 years now. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I could not even quit when my husband was dying of lung cancer. Unfortunately I have emphysema and IPF and am on oxygen 24/7 because of all those years I smoked.
You are too beautiful a person inside and out to be a slave to tobacco!
Best wishes!
My Dad is 68 years old and still smokes, but I don't think it'll be what kills him. In fact I'm not convinced he won't live on to a ripe old age. He has smoked since back in the Vietnam war and has had just a few health complications of which may likely have been contributed to by smoking cigarettes, but Dad has always taken good care of himself in every other aspect. The Human Being is a strange animal; sometimes I think that smoking is prolonging his life; as though the concept of endurance sustains him even more so than food. Dad is no slave to anything. I'd even go as far as to say nature is his slave. I think humans can live indefinitely. I sure hope He believes that. I hope everyone does.
Thanks for the blog post Lynn. This is a very interesting subject to me as I'm looking for a "good kick in the pants" myself these days. Corporate life is drowning me as more work and responsibility is piled on less people. Although I've started to brand myself at http://www.theTECHblog.ca, I believe I need to better understand my goals and how to execute them. Dave's book just might be a good start in the right direction. I may even check out some of his seminar.
P.S. Keep up the good work on twitter... 16,500 tweets, that's crazy : )
regards,
Jeff Moss
Hi Lynn,
Thanks for the post. I believe that everyone comes to a point in their lives where something is not quite right and they wish that they could make a change. It felt like when you wrote this post that you were talking straight to me. Boy is is hard to get where you want to be. I'm sure you know that. If it weren't hard then everyone would be doing it.
It's easy to get discouraged and to even give up. It's easy to believe that you're getting nowhere. I've thought about giving up Internet marketing, but for some reason I can't. I have this passion for it, and whenever I get up from the computer thinking I'm done, something always brings me back to it. Sometimes I'm at the computer and I have no clue what to do. There's so much I don't know and I sit there thinking..."what do I do now?" It's a constant battle.
But you win when you finally figure out what needs to be done, set goals and achieve them. You just have to find your path and I believe one day I will. Thanks again for the inspiring post.
Scarlet
Thanks for the great post Lynn. You always have a great view on things. Please don't quit quitting smoking. My mom died in November. Smoked for over 50 years. She was on oxygen 24/7 last three years and the last several years had dementia from lack of oxygen to the brain. Her chest became like a barrel because she would never breath deeply. Yes, I'm using the scare tactic. 🙂 We need you to be around for a while and be healthy! Hang in there!
Lynn - as all have said, thanks for the uplifting post. You take us on a dove-like swoop down to earth and up above the clouds again, breaking free to see clearly.
From the feedback I see, sounds like you could have a great cheering squad to help you all the way when you decide to quit smoking. I visualize a very cool membership site, where we all contribute a dollar to crowd-fund a great incentive for you, and you share the journey with posts along the way. I imagine that anytime you'd need it you'd have LOTS of support, from every time zone around the world! All the best,
Lynn,
Great post! I have been in internet marketing part time for four years now. What is holding me back? Myself, of course!
I know the secret to success is doing instead of thinking about doing. However, I often find myself wasting time on projects and ideas that do not seem to get me any closer to my goal of being a full time online income earner.
Thanks again for the inspiration and keep up the good work. I agree with Barbara above. I hope you can quit smoking soon.
Tommy
Lynn
Nothing like honesty - your hallmark
By success killers are procrastination (the thief of time) and fear of the unknown. I've usually beaten those by making sure I'm exclusively focused on things that I'm highly interested in.
Even then, when it comes to taking a risk (risk is required for success) I find fear and lack of confidence sometimes creeps in all over again - no matter how successful I have been previously.
So this book "What's Holding You back?" looks perfect and I'll go get it.
Lynn, may I also suggest a fantastic (non affiliate) addition that will dovetail with this book perfectly?
I have an audio CD that I listen to a couple of times a year to get unstuck - called "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers.
Thanks for the book recommendation
Jonathan Gunson
Great article and insights Lynn. Wow, wow, wow! As a past nearly 3 pack a day smoker and someone who lived in the space of procrastination, I sure do appreciate your honesty. Over 15 years without a smoke, one who is overly driven at time and yet one who knows our success is proportionate to beliefs, actions and passion, your writings hit the nail on the head.
About the putting pants on one leg at a time, if I haven't had my morning caffeine it doesn't always happen that way. LOL
Seriously though, we can accomplish a heck of a lot. And the more we work at something the easier it looks to others.
Great job Lynn. Always enjoy your writings and insights.
Set a quit date. Having firm goals is important when dealing with addictions & when looking for ways to quit smoking cigarettes this is a vital step. Having a set date you set for yourself & can plan for means you won't make snap decision when you are not ready & you will also force yourself to commit to a date than a vague “I will quit next week” then that week never seems to come …
Lynn, when I look back seven years - I was so in debt and frustrated. All I could see was the hope of maybe being able to pay my bills each month. When I paid off my last bill I could look ahead and see greater possibilities. I've come so far financially and have great hope for even better days...
I think I'm here: "Your life is going okay, but there are a few areas you’ve had trouble pushing past your own limitations"
It's my weight and health that I'm feeling stuck about now. I'm not sitting in the ditch stuck, it's more like 'rocking it back and forth' stuck LOL!
I'm determined to get unstuck! Thanks for the recommendation 🙂
Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments, and all you shared here. I love it that we are all in this together, and that we can share resources to help us each get where we want to be in our lives.
As for smoking, I have no doubt that I can quit. Just as I said in the original post. I thought it made a great example and a good contrast, as we all struggle with these same things in various areas of our individual lives. I happen to enjoy my smokes, but don't enjoy being a smoker anymore - so I "patch it" more often than not. It's a habit I'll kick when I'm good and ready. Watch and see 😉
I'm still enjoying and doing the exercises in Dave's guide and LOVING it. I hope you guys enjoy it, and get as much out of it as I am!
So excited to read through this book. I just bought it and will get it printed out tomorrow. Great review!
Thank you for this post, Lynn.
Writing down goals came up with a 12 Baby Steps(tm)coaching client yesterday and it prompted me to give some consideration to my own goal setting blocks.
Wow- was that eye opening!
In the process, I found your site, this informative post, of course, the ebook.
I'm looking forward to sharing this info with the Wise Well Women community, too.
Happy to have made your connection.
Wishing you well-
Nanette